Chapter 15

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Determined to face my fears, I ran out the back door and sprinted to the overgrown pathway. I felt the emotions that had taken me to the clearing as I relived the events of that fateful day as clearly as though it was a movie playing inside my head. After four years of trying to forget, I remembered every detail as though I'd been transported back into my thirteen-year-old self.

Mom said my talents, though a responsibility, was a presence of something greater flowing through me. Just like it had run through each member of my family before me. Unlike my ancestors, I didn't want or care for my inherited gift. But, like mom always asked, "How can you hate something that you've yet to experience?"

I reached the edge of the pathway and pushed forward before I could change my mind.

The rock-ridden ground made me stumble along in my favorite pair of scuffed Fila sneakers, the soles nearly bare of traction after just two months of trekking down the worn path that wound its way to my clearing. I loved the comfort and freedom found in wearing fitted pants, button-down plaids, or plain, run-of-the-mill t-shirts—never white—with random phrases embroidered on their chest. The more insane, the better. As I corrected the misstep, my breath grew quick. Perspiration burned down the skin of my back, my arms, and the slim column of my neck like fire upon open water.

I started to run.

It was so close now.

The broken branches of bare trees extended their claws, grasping at me and stinging my legs with shallow scrapes as I drew closer to my destination. The dense thicket of trees—pines, willows, and oaks—flourished behind the rise of my home. It was hard to see now as it faded from view more with each step.

In two days, I would start high school. My time would be limited. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened up my hearing, wanting to catch a picture of this moment to remember its joy for the rest of my life—a sensory photograph in my mind, indestructible and forever perfect.

The air cooled, protected by the trees' low-hanging branches, creating a blanket of shadows.

Perfect.

I felt pulled in two directions. Though what I'd come to do needed to be completed in the clearing, my body continued to place one foot in front of the other.

I didn't stop until my shins rubbed against the top of the flat, polished rocks next to the water's edge, benches nature had set up for spectators to watch the shallow current as it flowed downstream. I climbed the rock to watch as the sun sparkled across the rippling surface, illuminating its natural beauty as the only break in the darkness surrounding it. Hours had been spent here, sketching or just watching the water as it flowed in a cacophony of clear blue veins of fluid energy.

With my chin against my knees, I wrapped my arms around my legs as I pulled them into my chest around the tote in my lap. I squinted against the sun to see the mirrored reflection staring back at me from the water. This girl was small, gaunt. She hid behind large glasses that disguised her wide, strange colored eyes—one green, one blue, both surrounded by a ring of grey shadows. Timid, she shrunk within herself, scared even of her own scrutiny.

I stuck my tongue out and pulled it back in. Cocking my head to the right and then to the left, I stuck my tongue out again. Making a sour face, I watched it's duplicate below, realizing my features only served to detract from my unruly hair.

Standing, I hiked my tan tote over one shoulder and pushed up my glasses before heading back the way I had come. They were always sliding down the slant of my nose now that I'd lost the dreaded baby fat. Mom had promised that my high cheekbones were enviable to others and that they were the first sign of my impending development, but I couldn't see it. I was lanky and awkward, underdeveloped as I began my transition out of childhood.

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