BTS' EIGHTH MEMBER

SEVENTY • Manipulative Kid

This thing has happened to me too many times in the past five weeks, and I wanted to write about it. Some people feel weird about having feelings for someone who's in a relationship or likes someone else, simply bcause it feels wrong. I'VE BEEN HEARTBROKEN FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A MONTH OR SO LAST NIGHT, SO I WANT TO WRITE THIS

Getting over Namjoon was hard, considering the fact that you needed to get over him right that moment when you did, because he had a girlfriend at the time. 

It was pretty obvious. He was staring down at his phone and smiling at most times, and he was going on it very, very often now, and those annoying little spurts and pings and splats of cheap sound effects from the Appstore were now replaced by typing and the sound of message bubbles being sent and received. Namjoon's mom hated texting, and Namjoon's dad wasn't good with his phone. His sister was busy with school, and he couldn't have prioritized his old Ilsan friends that much, they were either working or still studying, and he never texted them anyway. 

It created lots of suspicion, but you still kept your hopes up. They all fell when your seventeen year old self was walkin past his office, and heard him laughing. Your curiosity got the better of you, obviously. 

Poking your head in was a bad decision, considering you felt your heard be shredded into pieces and flushed down to your stomach. 

"No, it's not wrong," you heard Namjoon say, the smile evident in his voice. He spoke gently and softly, sweetly and mildly. He was so quiet now, and you loved hearing his voice like this. This voice was rarely bared to you, but now you could listen to it as much as you wanted, and it didn't matter. 

"I miss you too. OK. Yeah, I have to go too. I love you."

Your heart fell. His voice had dropped quieter when he said 'I love you'. He also sighed when he put the phone down, and smiled into space. 

Your chest felt hollow when you got back to your own office, but your stomach was full of discomfort, nausea, a ticklish, painful feeling. You felt like it was wrong to like someone as much as you loved Namjoon, so you tried very hard not to feel that way. It was one of the hardest things to do, considering you saw him everyday, but it didn't matter. You needed to get over him.

Due to the emptiness, you filled yourself up with Jungkook's doting and affection. Anytime he'd be sitting somewhere comfortably, you would snuggle into him and he'd have his arms around you. Sometimes you would cry and he'd get concerned, but he'd hold you closer. You felt kind of betrayed that Yoongi didn't tell you about Namjoon's girlfriend, though. 

If you weren't with Jungkook, it was with Yoongi. He loved you and treasured you and brought you all the treats you 'needed' for your heart's restoration. You usually took advantage of that, but now you only thought of making your feelings for him decrease. 

It still was floating in the back of your mind like a ghost's apparition even when you were in love with Jungkook. 

"Oppa," you'd murmur late at night in bed, moving your feet against Jungkook's.

You almost never let him stay asleep, most of the time because you automatically called for him when you woke from a nightmare. 

"Oppa's here," Jungkook would mumble back, pulling you closer to him. "I love you. You're okay." It hurt Jungkook to see you jolting and twitching your limbs in your sleep because of the spurts of energy from your defense mechanisms running through you, growing from the traumatizing memories that chased you in the first half of your life. 

He knew you needed a therapist. He knew Yoongi didn't have the qualification to be your therapist. You needed a professional for your feelings. 

However, Jungkook did anything for you. And he was your scapegoat and assistant to cancel the doctor visits. 

You cough lightly on mornings of your appointments. Pulling up your most innocent expression, you'd look up at him, and in a soft, small voice, "I don't think I'm feeling well." You managed to miss several apointments with a little push and statement of you having too much work. 

Everyone loved you excessively. You had a way around everyone.