It's been three, miserable, long weeks now, I miss her so much, It's like she's not even here anymore. My heart aches every time I think of her just lying there lifeless and then my aching heart just breaks into tiny , scarp, fragile pieces which then wound my soul ,as glass would to naked flesh. Only the flesh would soon heal, but a wound to the soul could last a life time. I can't even put into words how much I miss her, especially since Kat's birthday party would have been today, her big 18th, she was looking so forward to it as well, having to cancel the nightclub broke my heart. Our mother really hasn't been the same since the accident, she's depressed, distant, some days you go into the house and it's like she's not even there, she's in a complete world of her own and it's about to fall down around her, suffocating and crushing her once happy sprit, she's a ghost of the woman she used to be. She worries all the time now, we all do. We just want Kat to be okay. I really wish Kat would wake up soon, I even miss our silly arguments and our disagreements. Home really hasn't been the same without her. I don't know how to live in a life without Kat. I keep on praying to God, I pray hard. I pray that she will be okay. I pray to God that he won't take her. Please Lord don't take my sister away for us, please Lord, please.
I regret not showing how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I'd do anything just to hug her again without all those wires that get in the way. Too scared to touch her in case you got caught up in the wires attached to her fragile body. Kat always gave the warmest hugs when they were needed. We would fight non-stop, we'd scream at the top of our lungs " I bloody well hate you!" but we didn't mean it, we never did.I remember whenever we were younger, we used to fight over anything and everything. Sisterly love my father would call it as we slammed doors in the others face and stormed upstairs to our rooms in a huff, we would soon come out of.
All I can think of is the accident, that dreadful accident that has ripped our hearts and lives apart. I can remember the night of the accident so very clearly as if it had only happened a few seconds ago. It was a cold, icey, freezing winters night, it was absolutely baltic outside. Kat and I were in Kat's new car, it was an early birthday present from our parents. It was a beautiful sky blue colour, it still smelled like new car smell, I can smell the scent as I think about it. We were going to the local cinema to watch a movie,we both were just dying to see it. We had been waiting for it to come out for ages now, we were both looking so forward to it. Since she had just got her license and new car she was so keen on driving that night, but I should never have let her drive, I regret it so much. She had only just passed her test and the roads were far to icey for her, but I was too excited to argue with her.
I had something to tell her that night, a really important thing that she needed to know ............
We were only ten minutes away from the cinema, it was icy, really icy, you could see the ice glitter on the roads, it looked so beautiful the way it sparkled as light reflected off of it like a winder wonderland scene . Within a millisecond Kat suddenly lost control of the car on the road. With no control the car slid across the ice covered roads, we started sliding towards a large oak tree, Kat tried to get the car out of the way, but she couldn't get out of the way quick enough. I can still hear the sound of the crash, the loud crashing sound as the car hit the tree, Kat and I screaming as the car hit the tree, the same screaming that makes me wake up at night in a cold sweat, shaking, it's all my fault. The car crashed into a tree sideways on the drivers side of the car, right where Kat was sitting. . Then all went blank. I woke in the passengers seat wondering what had just happened, if I had just fell asleep and it all had been a dream, that hope was sort lived as I turned around to see Kat just laying there, she was knocked unconscious.
I tried so hard to wake her up, but she just wouldn't wake up, her still body just lay there still. She wasn't moving. She wasn't breathing. I was so scared. Waiting for the ambulance seemed like an eternity of endless waiting. When it finally arrived the paramedics done the best they could to try and kick start her heart then she was rushed to hospital, I thought I was going to lose her,not only my sister but my best friend. I couldn't ,not now ,not yet. Not whenever I need her to know. She needs to know, she needs to know about the life in my stomach, this tiny little life ,her niece or nephew. I can't do this without her. I really can't
