Trying Not To Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter 6 ✅

But, Nanna kept me going. She helped me be who I still was; a human.

The look on her face when she died... flashed in front of me. I couldn't... breathe. I fell on my knees, my chest burning and my head spinning. I wanted a release and I felt like I couldn't breathe, my lungs felt as if tied with a rope.

A hand tapped my shoulder, pulling me out of my darkness. "You okay, East? What happened in there?" Elliot was the only one who knew the truth of my life. Most of it anyway. His eyes danced with concern and his shoulders tensed while watching me like this.

I shook my head at him, still trying to breathe.

"Cigarette." I hushed. I needed it.

He grabbed one and lighted it at once, handing it to me.

I took a drag and fell on my butt, instantly relaxing. He sat beside me, calm and quiet. Probably hoping for an explanation but being really patient about it.

But, I didn't have one. I lashed out at her, knowing it wasn't her fault. I knew it was wrong but, they didn't have any right barging in on my life like this. This was my house and my life!

He grabbed it from me and took a long drag himself. In silence, we sat and shared a cigarette. Then he took a long breath and racked a hand through his girls-go-crazy-over hair. "Just apologize to her later, man!" He stood up, clearly disappointed in me, since he realized I wasn't going to justify my reaction.

He turned around and left without a word, making me feel like a real asshole. The look on her face, in her dark eyes, flashed in front of me, causing my chest to heave. I'd hurt her. I knew the way tears pooled in her eyes making them shine. But, that's exactly what I wanted. To hurt them and make them leave.

I finished off my cigarette. Standing up, stomping on it, I turned around and walked back inside.

There was no way I was going to apologize to her. Even though a small part of me wanted to because I lashed out for no reason of her.

Jeanette stood in the living room glaring at me when I entered. Her face red and eyes narrowed. She seemed furious and I couldn't understand why. She just met her.

"What?" I shrugged, as I walked past her. Or tried to. She grabbed my arm and threw her best death glare at me. I rolled my eyes at her. What? Were they best friends for life already?

I ran a hand through my hair, grabbing her hand which was on my arm to lace my fingers with hers but she snatched it away and crossed her arms over her chest.

Fine, let's get this over with.

"I don't get you, sometimes." It was a careful judgment she passed. She was angry but she wasn't yelling at me. She was examining me trying to understand why I did what I did.

That's why I loved her. This was my Jeanette, always trying to understand before she passed any judgment.

She always gave me a chance to explain before assuming anything. Unlike me, she never let her temper control anything in her body. I stepped towards her but she held her hand up.

"I have to go." She stepped back. "Have to get some things ready for school on Monday."

I nodded, not able to explain what I felt and why I did what I did. "I'll drop you home."

She shook her head, as she grabbed her handbag from the coffee table and looked over at me, "Elliot is giving me ride, don't worry."

I just stared at her. What should I say?

That girl had already got everyone wrapped around her finger, making me the villain of the story.

I racked a hand through my hair and opened my mouth to finally tell her because she was Jeanette and she was my girlfriend and I was supposed to tell her but just then Elliot rushed in and glanced at Jeanette, clearly avoiding me. "You ready?"