The Now of Wolf Thought

Hope

After dinner, Remus took up his usual spot on the crimson sofa that sat before the grand fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. He noted that he sank a bit more than he usually did and chalked it up to fifteen years of wear and tear. He opened up his advanced runes text book and began to read the assigned chapter on the Elder Futhark. Piece of cake, he thought. Mum's books really did come in handy...Within seconds, his mother's peaceful face was before his eyes; he closed them but to no avail...she was still there. Then her eyes opened.

"Remus," she said, her voice as clear as it was when he was a little boy. "I love you so much and I'm so proud of you...Now you go and be the best you can be, Remus John Lupin! Show them what you're made of! Make my sacrifice mean something..."

He felt his head swimming as he tried to shake the image of his dying mother out of his mind.

He felt hands on his shoulders, gently shaking him.

"I mean it! You are not a dark creature," she said. "Do not let this evil Dark Lord win! You're meant to play a pivotal role...You can do this, Son...YOU CAN DO THIS...You have to fight for people like me, who can't! You just have to!"

The hands were still shaking him. "Remus...Remus?" A man's voice..."Moony..."

Somewhere, far away, he heard them, their collective voices, somewhere in his mind, he knew they were close by, but they felt so far away...but it was his mothers voice still in the forefront, hers was the loudest...for the better part of six months, it had been like this...

"Professor?"Potter...but not the right one...

"He's been catatonic like this for about an hour," Minerva said with concern. "We can't snap him out of it."

Sirius...He tried for a moment to focus on the handsome mage kneeling before him. But it was his own eyes he sought out. He found them without too much difficulty...they were sad eyes...knowing eyes..."Does she still visit?"

"Visit? Does who visit," Sirius asked with a low voice as he looked over his own shoulder.

"DOES SHE!"

Professor RJ Lupin had been leaning against the fireplace mantle. He closed his eyes and a single tear streaked his cheek. "Yes. She's as loud as she ever was when the moon phase is nearing full," he said quietly as he nodded.

Remus closed his eyes and willed her away...the blood that she had coughed up, as she strangled on it. Her body was covered in bandages. He'd been told that it was cancer that had taken her life...but it wasn't...she was sick, yes, but it was he that took her life. He knew that now.

Remus darted up from the sofa, knocking Sirius over. "How did you come to terms with it," Remus asked of his adult self.

"Who said I ever did?"

He looked toward the girl with the frizzy hair and chocolate brown eyes and held out his hand. "Your badge please, Hermione?"

She looked toward the adults in the room, finally resting on the tired and sad man leaning against the fireplace who shook his head finally.

"I have to run," he said. "Run...just run..."

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore said quietly as he nodded, "give him your badge." No one had seen him entering stealthily and both Remus' flinched, but only Sirius noticed it.

With shaking hands, she removed the coveted Prefect's badge from her jumper and took his hand in hers and and tenderly placed it in his outstretched palm. "Please be careful and come back to us, alright?"