Faith and Dave both want a relationship, but aren't eager in taking that step with anyone. Faith feels she is unworthy of love and Dave thinks he doesn't have time for love.
When they meet, will they display that smile?
"Well I know. I just want you to live and be able to find someone. I want you to be happy." My Mom said with concern laced in her voice and evident on her face.
"I know ma and I will. I'm just not looking. If God sends a man to bump into me and have me fall into their arms then I'll accept it, until then I'm just chillin. Going with the flow." I explained as I pulled into the parking garage of my apartment building.
"Amen. Just don't chill forever. I want grandchildren in the future. Are you still a virgin?"
"Ma!" I gasped.
"What? I'm just asking." She got a kick out of this because she, and everyone, knows how uncomfortable and awkward I get on the topic of sex.
"Yeah I'm not answering that question..." I mumbled, trying to avoid this awkward conversation.
"Why not? I'm your mom. I can ask you questions about this."
"You're absolutely right, but that doesn't mean I WANT to have these conversations with you." Can we just stop? Please?
"Alright well I just wanted to call and say goodnight and I love you."
"Alright. Love you too. Goodnight ma." With that we said goodbye and ended our call.
As I got out of my car and locked it, I began to think as I made my way to my building and up to my apartment door.
I'm 23 years old. Never had a boyfriend. Never been in the dating or talking faze. No boyfriend means no sex and no sex means no first kiss. I'm what every guy calls "the homie". I'm cool on a friend level. Nothing more. After awhile I got used to it and now I'm in my continuous "chillin" stage. I should have been out of college but I decided to unenroll my sophomore year to figure out what I wanted to do. A year turned into two and now I'm here. A senior ready to graduate and get my life rolling. Sometimes I do desire the company of a man. Someone I can grow with, build with, share my thoughts with, someone to love. Gosh I hate when my mom brings up the topic of me and relationships!
The thing with relationships though....I just can't picture myself in one. Of course I want one, but I think I have problems of my own that I need to figure out. Two years ago I was very overweight. I was at a very low place in my life. During the two year break from college, I began to find myself. I lost weight and I learned to love myself a little more. I'm still a work in progress though. I have days when I want to disappear. When I feel alone. Or I still feel like that big girl from two years ago. It's still a learning process for me to love myself and embrace the skin I'm in. I just take it one day at a time.
When I finally kicked off my shoes in my apartment I had to smile and thank God. Without him I'd be lost and would have never received the blessings that I have. He'll send someone. I just have to be patient and have faith.
The rest of the night consisted of me eating dinner, taking a shower, unwinding, and finally indulging in a much needed slumber. I went to sleep dreaming.
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