After Action

Capt. Hudson Personal Diary (Sept. 14)

Given the inherit stresses and isolation of Visigoth Outpost officers, they were encouraged to also keep a personal, handwritten diary. Prescribed as a form of therapy, each officer kept their diary locked in their personal safe at all times. The entries were never meant to be read by others. 

Personal Diary Entry // Captain Mark Hudson, USAF
14 September 2018 // Visigoth Outpost Victor Charlie

I almost killed a half-million people today and they might give me a medal for it. 

Our squadron commander sent me a written commendation for "cool-headedness under pressure". I flew a $7 million, fully-armed nuclear missile into the ocean and my boss gives me a pat on the back. 

Oh, and they apologized for the false alarm. We don't know if the North Koreans killed their missile just to piss us off or if it malfunctioned and missed. Hopefully, the PACOM admiral will find another way to scratch that itchy trigger finger. 

This job is bullshit. 

***

Amy knows. 

According to the launch record, I turned my key 1.63 seconds after her. Another .37 seconds and the system would have gone into emergency standby. We would have had to restart. And then my commander would be sending me a demotion and reassignment notice instead of a smiley note. 

But if I had waited, the abort order would have arrived before we launched. 

Or if I had waited on Amy, we never would have disarmed the nukes in time.

Or if we had, we certainly wouldn't have had time to scuttle the missile and an American nuclear warhead would have landed on North Korean soil. 

My Air Force shrink said that "What If's" are the fuel that feeds anxiety. Well, I've got a full tank. 

What if Amy mentions my hesitation in her After Action report? 

What if the Air Force compares her story with Mosul?

What if they find Daniel and he tells them everything?  

What if?

What if?