Hopeless? ~ Third Part of Loverboy.

Chapter 1. ~ Nathan.

It was the thirteenth time I sang the verse of the song into the microphone. I couldn't hit the notes perfectly. Maybe it was all because I was extremely tired, and in recent weeks I had barely slept for a a couple of hours. I felt that I was living and feeling all automatically. I felt as if my soul was leaving my body, kind of like I was fading away slowly. 

I hung up the headphones into the microphone.

—Sorry, Steve, —I told our producer from the study's cab—. I don't think I can do it today. I am very tired.

Steve just smiled and pressed the button so I could hear what he was saying from inside  of the cabin. —It's all right, Nathan. You can leave. Get plenty of rest. We need to have this done by Friday. 

I sighed. —Okay. I'm really sorry. —I apologized again as I did everything possible not to shut my eyes as he spoke. 

I came out of the cab and said goodbye to Steve, I took my bag and left the study. I looked at my watch, and I was not surprised to see it was almost 3am. Automatically, I calculated the time difference. It was 11 o'clock in Boston. Just the time that Ashley usually left work. I checked my phone, but there were no new messages, even though hours ago I had told her to call me when she got out of work.

I didn't give it much importance and took a cab to the hotel where we were staying.

It's going to sound so bloody pathetic, but being without her was the worst torture I've been through. I had never been so melodramatic and so co-dependent, but I must admit that maybe she was the exception. I had not seen her for so long, and that was killing me.

That night was the first time I slept more than two hours for a couple of weeks. My body just melted into the bed's mattress and my eyes didn't separate until the next day's noon.

Waking up would have been the best part of the day, only if she was next to me.

I tried to leave my psychological torture to one side and I forced myself out of bed. After taking a glass of water and going to the bathroom, I started to change for another long day in the studio. Before leaving the room, I made sure to check my phone again.

Nothing had changed. Not one missed call or an unopened message. Maybe she got very tired last night, I thought. I knew the football season had begun and that the restaurant where she worked  at would be filled with so many students from different universities. I smiled as I imagined her in her uniform.

Later that day, I dialed her number again but the call was diverted just as I took my phone to my ear. She has no battery and she's studying, I thought again, so I wouldn't feel like she was ignoring me. 

At least, I hoped it was not really that way.

—Don't worry, mate, —said Siva, giving me a pat on the back as he walked beside me—, she is busy, for sure.

—Or maybe she's in bed with another guys. —Max said, and then he and Tom laughed.

—You guys are not helping. —Jay started, and then I let out a deep breath and thanked him.

But they were right, what did it matter, anyway? I knew she was perfectly fine, and she was going to call when she was unoccupied. I knew she needed to focus much more on her last year of college, and I was not going to stop her.

Little did I know I should have worried.