The Reason (Westlife) //Completed

Chapter 19. Gone

(NOT PROOFREAD :P)

Chapter 19. Gone

You dimwit, pull yourself together and act casual!

Just as I jump back to my senses with the help of my raging subconscious, I see Nicky kneeling down before me to pick up the mic that I dropped on the floor. We meet each other's gaze for a second before he stands up and gives me a subtle pat on my back.

Cool down, ninny, if we were alone, he would've yelled it to my ears.

"Hey, Lauren! I missed you, blonde. How's life been?" Mark pulls me to my feet and gives me a warm embrace before I can even notice him striding towards me.

"I missed you too, Mark. I'm okay," I reply a little to apathetically before we pull away from each other.

Kian steps forward and I automatically wrap him into my arms without further ado. "Missed you!" we utter in unison. He pulls back from the tight hug and then takes the opportunity to ruffle my already messy hair. I shove his hand away and stick my tongue out at him, causing him to erupt into laughter. 

Man, I missed them so damn much.

For a few seconds I feel collected and under control as though I wasn't gobsmacked from the moment they set foot in here, but not until when another pair of arms embraces me, catching me off guard.

"What about me? Didn't you miss me?" Shane mutters as he rubs my back. 

My body, beyond shock, stiffens at our contact like I just turned into a concrete wall. I can barely move. He's hugging me - yeah, just like what Mark and Kian did to me earlier. No big deal, right? 

I wait for the familiar warmth to rise up to my cheeks and for my breathing to hitch in response to his sudden embrace just like what I always feel everytime he's near me. But now, it doesn't come. Didn't I miss him?

"I need to talk to you later. Don't tell Nicky, alright?" he whispers as he steps back, not waiting for my response.

I let out an inaudible sigh and brush my fingers through my hair, letting his words sink in. We just hugged but it didn't feel surreal. Instead, I get lost on thinking about what he's just said to me. What are we gonna talk about later? Is it important? And why shouldn't I inform Nicky about it?

There's so many questions inside my head but the one that comes on top is: Why did it feel like his hug was just... nothing to me?

Bryan clears his throat to catch our attention. "So... you three, you owe us an explanation. Why did you come back all of a sudden without letting us know?"

Mark, Kian and Shane exchange looks with each other as if communicating through their eye movements.

"Uhmm..." Mark was about to explain but Shane interrupts him.

"You see, we're all knackered and we better get some rest. Talk to you guys later."

"But we have-" Nicky tries to persuade them.

"I missed my beeeddd..." Kian lets out a yawn and follows Shane and Mark to their rooms upstairs, leaving me, Bryan and Nicky in confusion.

But I guess my mind is more troubled than anyone else's is right now. I have no idea what made them come back in here without informing any of us. It seems like something is up. Plus, later today, Shane and I will talk about something and I have to keep Nicky from knowing about it. For what reason exactly?

Above anything else,  the thing that confuses me most are my feelings toward him.

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We didn't have much to do for the rest of the day so Bryan, Nicky and I decided to just sleep in our bedrooms. But I couldn't just let sleep take over me when I have a lot of things to figure out, so I just went to the balcony. 

Fresh air to freshen up my mind.

"Hey." 

I jolt up a little as Kian rushes beside me. I thought he was in his room, sprawled on his bed whilst sleeping. "Hey!" I say.

"We need to talk. Not here." 

I narrow my eyes at him. "What?"

"Come on. Don't make a noise." Kian grabs my hand and leads me downstairs and into the back garden.

When we're there yet, my eyes almost bulge out of its sockets when I realize that Kian and I are not alone. Perched on the medium-sized rocks found in the garden are Mark, Shane and even Bryan, chattering to one another.

Technically, Nicky is not here and I wonder why we should not let him know about this... meeting, I suppose?

"So," Shane stands up. "we clustered around here because we have to discuss something important. Thank you for joining in, Lauren." His eyes shift to mine and I just nod.

"Just to let you know, we were all okay. Nothing bad happened to us in Sligo," Mark explains to me.

"We intentionally came back here earlier than you had expected because we have to sort things out before a special occassion comes," Kian adds 

"What occassion?" I feel like as if the world were coming to an end and I'm the last person to know.

"No clues?" Kian's blue eyes stay on me.

"Excuse me, am I missing something? What special occassion are you talking about? Christmas? But it's still October, right? Halloween, maybe? Or-"

"No," Bryan interrupts me. "Nicky's birthday. It's gonna be on the 9th, a week from now."

That's what I least expected, really. Now, everything makes perfect sense. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I... I didn't know." 

"Of couse you didn't. That's why we're telling it to you right now," Mark says. "and we have a plan."

"Right, a plan." Shane walks towards me, his face serious. "I've already discussed it to Bryan so now, you just have to listen, okay?" He pats my shoulder.

I straighten. "Okay" 

"Nicky means so much to everyone of us and we want to make him as happy as possible at his upcoming birthday. Here's the plan..."

As he's started discussing the matters, I got the courage to look straightly into his hazel green eyes. Because by doing so, I will understand what I still feel about him after almost three weeks of his absence. If my love for him has faded over time or if it still remains, I was unsure of it.

But I understand now.

As I stand in front of him, pretending to listen to everything he's saying, I come to a realization that maybe, I'm still attracted to him in some way. I mean, come on, he's Shane Filan of the famous Irish boyband, Westlife! How can't a girl like a guy like him?

But 'attraction' is a different word. You may be attracted to a person but that doesn't mean you're in love. And that explains everything.

Gone is the feeling like I was about to swoon just by looking into those eyes. Gone is the girl inside me giggling everytime he's near and talking to me. Gone is the pain I feel everytime I picture him and Gillian together as a perfect couple.

It's all gone like a hurricane has washed my feelings away... and that's suffice to say that I'm done with Shane.

>-----------TBC----------<