"There's really nothing you guys can do?" I asked, looking around at Matt, Johnny, Brian, Jimmy and Zacky.
"There's nothing we can do to post pone it." Matt said sadly.
I tried to keep the tears from my eyes.
I could only imagine the sadness my son will feel when he realizes his dad is going to be leaving again.
He's too young to understand that he will come back.
He just knows that he's not going to be there when he wants him to be.
"What are you gonna tell the kid?" Brian asked.
I looked down again.
"What can I tell him? He's a four year old that has been waiting for his dad. He finally has him, and he's leaving again. That's hard for grown ups to deal with. How do you expect a child to deal with it?" I asked.
"You know we'll call everyday." Jimmy said.
"And we'll take lots of pictures of everything." Johnny said.
"We'll do that webcam crap so he can see us and it'll be like we're here with him." Brian said.
I smiled at each of them.
"You guys are so sweet for trying, but its not going to be the same to him. I still love you all." I said softly.
I looked at Zacky who had been quiet through the entire conversation.
"Zacky?" I said softly.
He didn't say anything, just continued to stare at the ground.
I saw his shoulders moving slightly and I stood up.
I went over to him and put my hands on his shoulders.
"Zacky, talk to me." I said softly.
"What do you want me to say, Aryn? I'm leaving my son behind for the second time. I'm gonna be on tour and he's going to be here, thinking he did something wrong to make me leave him again. What can I tell him to make that better?" Zacky growled at the end.
He's getting emotional, and now he's expressing it through his anger.
Just like old times.
"Zacky, you're a good man and you're a good father. Zachary will understand. Maybe not know, but I promise you he will." I said.
Zacky stood up and faced the guys.
"You guys can't make me leave without my son. I'm not going to do it again. I'm not going to do it ever. He's my son and he needs me. I've already missed out on too much." Zacky said.
"I'm not asking you to leave your son. None of us are. We love him too. But we can't miss this tour Zacky." Matt said.
"I'm not leaving him." Zacky said again.
It was quiet for a while.
"Aryn, why don't you and the kid just come with us?" Brian asked.
I laughed out loud.
"Are you serious?" I asked.
They all looked at me, not even a hit of a smile on their faces.
"That isn't the kind if environment I want my son in. There's alcohol,and smoking, women all over the place. It just doesn't sit well with me." I said.
"But you're going to be there too. You can keep him away and make sure that he's never around any of that shit. And I won't drink. Not one sip while my son is around." Zacky said.
He was smiling, excited about the idea.
"I don't know you guys." I said, not sure."Come on Aryn. Its gonna be so much fun!" Jimmy said.
"You'll be traveling and meeting so many new people." Johnny said.
"You'll make awesome friends." Brian said.
"And Zachary will be with both of his parents." Zacky said with a smile.
I looked at Zacky, his eyes wide and shining with excitement.
The same look Zachary has when he's excited.
"What about Sphinx?" I asked.
"What about him?!" Zacky asked in an irritated tone.
"He's my boyfriend. I love him in case you forgot that. How are me and Zachary supposed to see him if we're on the road. What about my job? My house and payments?" I asked.
"I'm so tired of hearing about Sphinx this and Sphinx that. Zachary is our son and he doesnt have a say in anything we decide to do." Zacky said.
My eyes narrrowed and I stood up.
"You fucked up dude." Brian said.
"Sphinx is just as much apart of Zachary's life as you are. Zachary loves him and he needs him too. If I decide to do anything, I'm going to tell him because he's apart of mine and my sons life and he's earned that right. If you ever disrespect the man that I love and thats been helping me raise your son again, you'll regret." I seethed.
The room was completely quiet and Zacky's eyes were wide.
With that I walked out.
I pulled out my cell phone and dialed.
"Hey babe." Sphinx's smooth voice said.
I breathed in deeply.
"Aryn? Babe, you okay?" Sphinx asked, sounding worried now.
"I need to talk to you." I said.
