Perfection IS Skinny!! {L.T} [Larry Stylinson]

.EPILOGUE.

// I hope it doesn't confuse anyone that I wrote this one in first person instead of third person. //

~~~
LOUIS' POINT OF VIEW.

The past five years of my life have definitely been like a never ending rollercoaster ride: full of ups and downs and un-expectant twists and turns.

At sixteen when I had gone down the path of bordering on anorexia, I have never considered that at twenty I would have travelled down an eerily similar path with bulimia. Though admittedly I had also never banked on becoming a world known famous musician, or that the person that would ultimately turn out to be my soul mate would be a man, much less my band mate. 

The road has not always been easy, but I feel very lucky to have the people around me that I do: My mum, band mates, boyfriend and the fans. Admittedly there is a part of me that isn't entirely sure that I ever would have made it to twenty one without their love and support.

When I think back on being sixteen, I see a troubled teenager who didn't think he was good enough for himself. When I skip ahead to being nineteen, I see a slightly older teenager who couldn't comprehend that they were good enough for anybody to appreciate and care about them.

I can't begin to express how grateful I am to Harry for always being by my side, and for being my rock. I know that the last year hasn't been an easy journey for him; it hasn't exactly been easy for me either.

After the band all found out that I had an eating disorder, I thought that that was it. That the band was done and that nothing would ever be the same again.

I was right about things never being the same again, they got better and as a band we got stronger.

I stayed with my mum for a couple of months after confessing to her. She helped me to get healthy again, making sure I ate and not getting mad when the food was too much for my stomach and I'd throw up. I wasn't being sick on purpose anymore, and she understood that recovery wasn't going to happen overnight.

Harry was the most understanding throughout it all. He rubbed my back when I got sick, held me when I cried, and every single day assured me that I was it for him and that he was not going anywhere. He stuck with me during the trial and error of medication, comforting me through the side effects, even when it was him that I took all my frustrations out on.

Both Harry and my mum were there for me every step of the way. Niall, Liam and Zayn also checked in often, making sure that I was doing okay and reminding me that when I was ready the band was still going to be there.

My psychiatrist taught me that instead of reinforcing the negative, like I had previously been doing by searching up the hate comments about myself, that I needed to shift that mindset to a more positive one and reach out and ask for help if something was bothering me.

Sometimes I still slipped up, and Harry or one of the other boys would find me a total mess after a session with my phone. But for the most part I would go and have a chat with one of them before doing something drastic.

---

If only you had have looked,
Then maybe you would have seen,
What it was that you were doing to me.
I needed you to see,
That I was everything that you wanted me to be.

I know now,
That there is more to me,
More than just what you can see.
Look around,
You will see that you are no different from me.
I still love you,
I just hope that you still love me.

I love you; more than you loved me.
I almost destroyed myself chasing what I didn't need.
Went to the edge of the earth,
Almost didn't return.
All because: I thought you held all the keys,
Keys to locks that never even existed.

I know now,
That there is more to me,
More than just what you can see.
Look around,
You will see that you are no different from me.
I still love you,
I just hope that you still love me.

I sunk to the bottom,
Thought I would never be enough for the top.
But: While it was you that pushed me down,
You also pulled me back up.
Now, can you please let me go?
I just need to know that I'm enough.

__________
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A/N:- It is complete, yay. So happy to finally have this finished. It only took just over three months.