Shine (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Eight

"You are not to have any contact with Michael or any of his foolish friends until you are clutching that high school diploma on the stage after you are named Valedictorian of your class," my mother seethes venomously. "Now, are we clear?"

I know that if I object, she will personally see to it that I am locked in a dungeon with nothing but my textbooks until I graduate, so all I do is nod, not trusting myself to speak without cussing her out. It takes all my strength to make it to my room before I flop down on the bed and scream profanities into my pillow.

(Sunday, May 19th)

The light colored wood of the Dixon's front door has been staring me in the face for what seems like hours. My hand is slightly raised, ready to knock, but I just can't bring myself to do it. The last time I was inside this building, Will was alive and here, and now I'm here to collect something to remember him by after his death. I shiver at the thought before I thrust it to the back of my mind and knock three times.

Hardly any time passes before the door swings open to reveal Will's older sister, Leah. She envelops me in a warm hug and then presses something cold into the palm of my hand.

"His tags," Leah confirms, a sad ghost of a smile settling on her lips. I uncurl my fist to see two tags attached to thin chains with all of Will's information engraved in the metal. These were with him when he died, he had these. He touched these. Will must have known I would end up with them if something ever happened to him. A tear escapes the corner of my eye and cascades down my cheek, dampening the skin on my wrist as it falls there.

"Alex..." Leah coos, pulling me back into her embrace. Leah has always been something of an older sister to me. She's 24 years old and one of the most genuine people I have ever met.

"I miss him too," she says, sniffing as she hugs me tighter.

"So much."

I give Leah one last squeeze before pulling away and walking out the door, thanking her quietly before I leave. I pause a moment in the driver's seat of my car to check myself in the mirror. As I expected, black smudges now line my eyes. Maybe I should just stop wearing makeup altogether, it seems to get ruined on a daily basis anyway. Besides, Will always told me I looked better without it, which is something I refuse to believe because it is just not the truth.

As usual, I am a complete wreck. I think about going home until I remember the argument I had with my mother last night. Frankly, that is the last thing I need right now, so I just drive off along an unknown road, praying it leads me somewhere I can escape.

Of course, my prayers are not answered. In fact, they are the opposite of answered. I find myself at a graveyard. Not just a graveyard, but the graveyard. The one where he is buried. I am about to turn around and drive the other direction as fast as my car will allow, until something hits me.

Closure. I remember in certain movies, after a loved one went to talk to the recently deceased at their grave, they had an easier time handling their loss. I have learned the hard way that movies are not in any way a reflection of reality, but this may be the one thing they got right. It's at least worth a shot, and if I get nothing from it then I am no worse off than I was before.

After making the decision to go and 'see' Will, I force myself to stop hyperventilating and drive. It feels sort of disrespectful to show up after months empty-handed, so I make my way to the nearest drugstore to buy flowers. I end up buying a bouquet of pink lilies and white daisies along with a Milky Way candy bar because those were his favorite.

Not were, are, I correct myself. They are his favorite. Just because he no longer lives in this world does not mean that Milky Way candy bars are not still his favorite wherever he is right now. I refuse to believe that just because someone ceases to breathe, they are lost forever. That's just not how it works. It can't be.