Kristin: Wishing, missing & wanting

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It had been ten days since I broke up with Derek and I hadn’t seen him since, not even at school and I knew he was avoiding me completely- not that I blamed him.
I had already had my girl’s night with Dee and Cassie who tried to cheer me up with comedy movies and a lot of ice cream although it didn’t work. Nothing worked to dull the sharp ache inside my chest.
I even had to tell Cory that I wasn’t ready for another relationship which I felt terrible for considering he was in hospital all week and it was my fault. If I hadn’t gotten involved with Derek than Cory wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I should have been angry at Derek for hurting Cory but I wasn’t, all I wanted was Derek back, but I knew that he was angry at me and that he would never forgive me.
‘Kristin that’s normal okay and I mean who cares even if it isn’t normal, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing- you’re making it a bad thing.’ My mother’s words continued to play on repeat in my mind.
My mother was right. I was pathetic and scared and instead of facing my feelings I ran from them like a little bitch, and hurt the man I loved in the process. I was on a roll.
Being without him made me realise just how much I needed him and how much I wanted him. I had made the worst mistake of my life and I wanted to take it back.
You have to at least try. My inner voice encouraged me.
So I just tell him how I really feel and apologise and grovel and beg? I knew it was idiotic, conversing with myself but I needed an answer.
Basically. My inner voice replied.
And if he doesn’t take me back? I asked.
Then he doesn’t take you back but you have to try. My inner voice replied.
“You’re lying,” Belle’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I had taken Belle, Stiles and Scott to the Pizza place. They were my distraction.
“No I’m not I can drink it through my nose,” Stiles replied.
“Well that’s just gross,” Belle scrunched up her face.
“I think it’s cool,” Scott replied before he took a huge bite of his pepperoni pizza.
“Yeah well I meant gross but in the cool way,” Belle corrected and smiled at Scott and I couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. She had been fighting for Scott’s attention all night and Scott seemed clueless. Belle had told me all about Scott’s pretty brown eyes and shaggy brown hair the first day after school had ended. I wanted to tell her to slow down and that she had plenty of years to crush on guys, but I knew she wouldn’t have listened to me anyway.
“Oh so it’s cool only if he says it’s cool?” Stiles questioned Belle and she blushed in response.
“Shut up Stiles,” Belle stuck her tongue out.
“Come on now you guys, you want ice cream right?” I asked.
“Uh duh!” Belle replied, “I mean yeah.” She smiled sweetly.
“I want a sundae,” Stiles smiled with a mouthful of wedges.
“What about you Scott what’s your favourite flavour?” Belle asked.
“Uhh . . . Chocolate,” He replied.
“No way me too,” Belle smiled although she was lying. Her favourite was strawberry with sprinkles and jelly snakes.
I looked out the window as I saw a body across the street that looked like Derek’s. He was walking with a woman who had dark blonde or light brown hair, it was hard to make out because of the dim street light. I watched as they got into her car and I could see her face clearly as her light car came on, and that’s when I saw them kiss and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. So much for trying to fight for him, he had already moved on.
“I’ll be right back guys.” I replied before I stood to my feet and rushed to the rest room. The three cubicles were empty and I rushed into the middle one before closing the door.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was suffocating. I had no right to be upset. I had broken up with him after all but it hurt a lot, and I didn’t know what to do as I wiped the few tears away that had escaped.
I waited too long. I let my fear ruin mine and Derek’s relationship and now he was gone and there was no way he was going to take me back, not when he already had somebody else.
“Pull yourself together!” I mumbled to myself as I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and patted it under my eyes. I was getting exactly what I deserved.
“We finished our pizza.” Belle practically yelled as she saw me approaching and the customers looked at me briefly before returning to their business.
Yeah that’s right look away. I silently scowled.
“Okay so two chocolate ice-creams and one caramel sundae with peanuts?” My gaze flickered over all of them and they all nodded. I looked out the window and saw Derek and the woman was still making out. Somehow I knew Derek had spotted me and it was his punishment or his way of showing me that he was over our break-up.
I forced a smile and fought back the tears as I went to the counter and placed the order although I didn’t get anything, there was no way I was going to be able to eat. I was still having trouble breathing and managing the stabbing pains in my chest.
“You know if you need cheering up I give good hugs.” Scott smiled innocently and I couldn’t help but chuckle while Belle looked like she had been physically pinched or punched and a frown surfaced.
I felt bad for her but I also felt relieved. Scott and Stiles had a way of cheering me up even when I felt like I was never going to smile again.
“No way my hugs are way better.” Stiles disagreed.
“You guys are dags.” I smiled. I had heard the word before although I couldn’t remember where.
“Well I could use a hug.” Belle smiled at Scott and I wanted to tell her to stop acting desperate but Scott and Stiles would have heard and I didn’t want to embarrass her.
“Maybe later,” Scott smiled although he looked awkward to me.
“Are you and that Cory guy boyfriend and girlfriend?” Belle asked and Scott looked at me eagerly awaiting my answer. I looked out the window and Derek and that woman were practically having sex in the car. Okay maybe I was exaggerating but really, couldn’t they go make out somewhere else?
I knew Derek would have been using his werewolf hearing which is why I didn’t bother lying, he would hear my heart stammer.
“No we’re not.” I replied.
“Well that’s good, you know they say you shouldn’t jump into things.” Scott sounded very relieved and I couldn’t help but wonder why he would crush on me. I was pathetic and I deserved a punch in the face.
“I still can’t believe scary guys took you, could it happen to me?” Belle asked me and I wanted to go back to talking about Cory rather than talk about the night that changed my life for the worst.
“Are you still hurt?” Scott asked and his brown eyes were full of worry. Why couldn’t they be like normal ten year olds? Why couldn’t they want to talk about cartoon characters and kid movies?
“The doctor fixed me up I’m okay and don’t worry Belle it won’t happen to you.” I reassured them both and Scott smiled in return before I looked out the window to see Derek and the woman staring at me, and then I was blinded by the headlights which was when I looked away and swallowed my pain and my grief.
“The ice-cream is here!” Stiles announced as he practically jumped up and down in his seat as the waitress placed the ice-creams on the table. “Where’s yours?” Stiles asked.
“I’m not hungry you guys eat up.” I replied although Stiles continued to frown at me.
“Stiles eat your ice-cream, don’t make me force feed you.” I smirked across the table at him and his brown eyes. I hadn’t noticed his scruffy hair do, usually he kept his brown hair very short.
“Oh please I have ninja moves and you couldn’t even catch me if you tried.” He smiled smugly.
“Is that so?” I quickly grabbed his caramel sundae and held it in my hands with a grin, “Well your reflexes are a bit slow.” I teased.
“I wasn’t even trying.” He shrugged.
“Well since I feel like being nice you can have your ice cream back, if you say that I’m awesome.” I smirked.
“Oh come on that’s not fair.”
“Well it’s true.” Scott smiled at me before he ate a mouthful of his chocolate ice-cream.
“Fine you’re awesome can I have my ice-cream back now?” Stiles asked.
“Yes you may.” I slid the caramel sundae to Stiles who grinned and nodded appreciatively.
“Who wants to race me?” Stiles asked eagerly.
“Ah nah,” Belle smirked.
“Okay I’ll race you, on three we start, 1, 2 . . . 3,” Scott counted and Stiles took off shoving spoonful after spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth, he didn’t even notice that Scott wasn’t eating his ice-cream.
“Argghh brain freeze.” Stiles groaned in pain as he clutched his head and we couldn’t help but laugh at his idiotic behaviour.
“You’re an idiot.” Belle chuckled.
“I need a blanket.” Stiles shivered and looked at Scott with a raised eye brow, “Why aren’t you suffering like I am?”
“Because I didn’t race you,” Scott smirked and Stiles jaw dropped slightly as he realised he was set up.
“Why did you do that? I think I’m dying, why is it so cold?” Stiles started rubbing his forehead as he grimaced in pain. “Why?” Stiles asked as he slid the sundae away from him.
“Kristin looked upset she needed to laugh.” Scott shrugged his shoulders and I smiled at him gratefully. I did need to laugh, I needed a distraction.
“Well next time maybe we can devise a plan together that doesn’t cause me pain?” Stiles moved his hand from his head and grabbed his ice-cream again.
“I take it you’re feeling better?” I asked as Stiles ate another small mouthful.
“No thanks to you guys.” Stiles frown quickly disappeared and he was all smiles again.
“You have to admit it was funny.” Scott gently nudged him.
All I wanted in that moment was to be ten years old again. To be innocent and care free and oblivious to heart ache too bad I didn’t have a time machine.

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