Divergent: Four's POV

Chapter 22

Hands locked together, we walk in the direction of the Pit. I keep feeling her hand grow loose and then she'll squeeze mine. I don't mind it. I'm just glad that she allows me to hold her hand. I run one of my fingertips down her palm. I can see her smiling and it fills me with indescribable happiness.
"So...Four fears," she says awkwardly.
"Four fears then;Four fears now. They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but...I still haven't made any progress."
"You can't be fearless, remember?" she says. "Because you still care about things. About your life." I don't care about my life. I care about her. I feel crazy admitting this to myself, but it feels right.
"I know."
I bring her to the rocks at the bottom of the chasm. No one else knows about this spot but me...and Tris, now.
"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results," she says.
"Ah." I scratch the back of my neck with my free hand. "Does it matter?"
"Yes. I want to know."
"How demanding you are," I say, smiling.
We find a flat rock near the side to sit on. I release her hand and I know that my hand should be warm, but it grows cold without the presence of her's.
"These are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends." It's true. I would never let Zeke, Shauna, or Lauren into my landscape. Into my mind.
I don't want to lie to her about my results- Divergence. I don't want to tell her either. I don't know if I can.
"My result was as expected. Abnegation." And Dauntless. And Amity. And Erudite. And Candor.
"But you chose Dauntless anyway?"
"Out of necessity."
"Why did you leave?" I don't want to say it. I have seen enough of Marcus, tonight.
"You had to get away from your dad," she says for me. "Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader. Because if you were, you might have to see him again?" I lift my shoulder.
"That, and Ive always felt that I don't belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."
"But you're...incredible." She pauses to clear her throat, blushing. "I mean by Dauntless standard. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"
I shrug. I don't care about Dauntless standard. None of it is important.
"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when you're in danger, it becomes your first instinct. I could belong in Abnegation just as easily."
"Yeah, well. I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be." Thats crap.
"That's not entirely true." I smile at her. "That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friends who hit my dad with a belt to protect me- that selfless girl, that's not you?"
She frowns at me. "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?"
"I like to observe people."
"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar."
"Fine." I lean my face in close to her's, studying her chin, then lips, then nose. All I want to do is kiss her.
"I watch you because I like you." Such an understatement.
I focus on her eyes again. "And don't call me 'Four' okay? It's nice to hear my name again." Her face is extremely red.
"But you're older than I am...Tobias." I smile at her.
"Yes, that whopping two-year gap is insurmountable , isn't it?"
"I'm not trying to be self-deprecating. I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty. I-"
A loud laugh hops out of my mouth. There was not time to hold it in, because I didn't see it coming. I kiss her temple.
"Don't pretend. You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty."
"Fine. You're not pretty. So?" I kiss her cheek.
She not pretty. She's absolutely beautiful. Even if she wasn't, I don't want a pretty girl. I want Tris. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus..." I struggle to say his name. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."
"Well," she says. "You're not." God, I love her.
She has allowed me to kiss her head and her cheeck. She has allowed me to hold her hand.
I stare at her for a moment, silently. I pull my head close and brush my lips against her's. I grin and press my mouth to her's and she doesn't pull away.
She tenses up, like she's on guard. I pull away for a moment and take her face in my hands. I kiss her once more, more firmly, and with more certainty to let her know that I'm not pitying her. I'm not pretending. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. She puts her arm around me and slides her hand up my neck and into my hair.
We sit at the bottom of the chasm, kissing for a few minutes. If I could, I wouldn't leave. We stand up, hands locked together. I look at her eyes and realize that if everything hadn't happened to me to make me choose Dauntless, I might not be with Tris right now. I know that I would take a lifetime of beatings for Tris.
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(A/N): ER MER GER!!!!! Who else loved this chapter? Looking forward to the train ride....LINE OF THE CHAPTER:
"Yes, that whopping two-year gap is insurmountable , isn't it?"