You make me ache

Ch21: Viewers and Pebbles.

We begin to chatter as we eat our meals, occasionally stealing food from each other's plates and often breaking into clouds of laughter.  When I look back at the all-consuming terror I had felt when I realised my growing romantic affections towards Troye, I cannot help but scold myself. I let my paralysing fear prohibit me from showing my emotions for so long, worried that my feelings were inappropriate, however now I realise that falling in love with my best friend was the most natural and the best thing I have ever done. I listen to his contagious laugh and happily let it infect me, warming my body and beckoning my cackle.

By the time we leave the restaurant, my sides are aching with laughter and my stomach is queasy with too much food, however Troye is eager to go and get ice-cream at the beach. I am bewildered by his ability and desire to consume yet more food but nevertheless I happily walk by his side as we make our way to the beach.  As we stroll down the sidewalk, the sun shines down on our faces and I bask in the welcome heat.

"This is nice, if the weather stays like this tomorrow I might go for a run in the morning" I say, my arms swinging by my sides.

"We're on holiday, why would you want to exercise?" Troye scoffs back.

"Because not all of us have your genes" I retort with reference to his ever slender physique.

"Behave yourself. You look pretty good to me" he chirps back playfully. I nudge my shoulder into his, expressing my coyness at his words.  "Don't act like that- remember that last night I was the one who was able to see and I promise the view was spectacularly sexy".

"Troye Sivan!" I scold him, my jaw loose and a crimson blush filling my face with the shock of his public bluntness. I nervously cast a glance around the street to see if anyone had heard his reference to our erotic night but I soon realise that people are wrapped up in their own day and oblivious to ours.

"Relax Tilly" he says clocking my anxious glance and throwing an arm over me. I turn my head into the crook of his shoulder scrunching my face with embarrassment and wonder how it is possible that my adorable boyfriend who had blushed at the words 'You're pretty' has suddenly become so unashamedly open. Freeing myself from his grip, I glance at his amused grin and doubt that his ability to shock me will ever disappear.

"Come on race you to the sea" he suddenly shrieks, setting off without me and crossing the road to reach the shingle beach.

Scowling Troye watches as his pebble plummets into the dark waves. I skilfully skim my own pebble, making it take the same pathway as his failed attempt. As we watch it bounce across the waves, I catch Troye muttering "Show off".

 I quickly skim another shiny slab, raising my eyebrow at him in triumph. His face crumples into another frown and I kneel down and rummage for a flat stone. Once I have found a suitable pebble, rather than continuing to taunt his inability to skim stones into the sea, I demonstrate my method and he carefully watches, eager to learn. 

"How do you know how to do everything?" he whines, but nevertheless takes my offered pebble and tosses it towards the waves.

"Because I'm a Queen of course" I reply, laughing as his pebble sinks at first contact with the sea.

"Or because you're old" he grumbles at seeing his failed attempt.

"Hey... I prefer the term 'experienced'..." I reply, now wrapping him into my arms and pressing my forehead against his. He flashes me a pout that could melt the world and I am momentarily breathless. Regaining my composure, I pull away and find another pebble for him to try and skim. 

Whilst Troye continues to sink stones into the sea, I collapse my body onto the rocky ground and prop myself up with my elbows. I swap my attention from my determined man to the rest of the beach. With the weather so hot and it being the end of the summer holidays, the beach is crowded. It appears that everyone is here; lone elders and their dogs, Mums and their ice-cream covered children and teenage boys trying to impress the giggling girls in crop tops. I fill my lungs with the rich, salty air and listen to seaside squawk of seagulls and childish laughter. I feel mostly relaxed and happy in the simple moment, but I am also partly alert to the masses of teenagers. They are all occupied in their summer adventures; there are a few boys carrying screaming girls into the sea, there many blasting music from their phones whilst attempting to catch a sun tan and some are simply reading. I am aware that it is likely there are some viewers nearby and as much as I love getting to meet my people, in the past there have been occasions where meeting them in a place this crowded can get a little overwhelming. So far, our time on the beach has been uninterrupted but I am aware at how quickly this could change and a small part of me is glad for their current distractions

I turn my attention to the families; watching as parents and nannies spread lashings of sunblock onto their little ones and delight in their children's happy faces as they paddle in the cold sea and play with their beach toys. Yet again, I find myself imagining my own idyllic future. I can practically hear my tiny tot squealing 'Daddy' as they chase Troye through the shallow waves and I can envision myself enveloping Troye and our child into an oversized stripy towel; a giant hug drying off the sea spray. I look back up at Troye who is still unsuccessful with his skimming attempts and laugh as I consider the fact that it will have to be me who teaches our child to skim pebbles. Happily letting my mind imagine the future possibilities, my slight unease with the crowds begins to flutter away, leaving a sense of tranquillity in its place.

Eventually, Troye manages to skim a pebble. I cannot help but smile fondly as I watch him squeal in delight as his rock ricochets over the water.  I quickly find my phone and take a photo of him, capturing his dorky excitement. Smirking at myself, I caption it 'My loser', knowing that the Troyler shippers will adore my reference to the photo that he shared of me only days before. With his skimming mission now accomplished, he turns around and walks towards me, the sun framing his proud expression. As he sits down beside me, I dig in my pocket for my headphones and connect them to my phone. Silently he takes an ear bud and awaits my choice of song. With a playlist chosen, we both gently lay down on the pebbles, my phone between us with the headphones trailing to each of our ears. We lie like this, gazing at the near cloudless sky and although we are not touching or speaking, it feels intimate and it adds to our afternoon bliss. I slowly let my mind drift back to thoughts of a future with Troye, serenity washing over me to the sound of waves and our mellow music.

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