Unexpected Father

3|Polka Dots

Hermione: 6 months

Chapter 3

"You can't be serious Dumbledore," Severus said, eyes wide in shock. He didn't know the first thing when it came to caring for a baby. There were too many things it entails to make sure it survived the day!

"Oh I'm completely serious, Severus," Dumbledore replies, that knowing twinkle in his eyes.

"Are you sure that's a good idea Headmaster?" Poppy asked, cautiously looking over at Severus who is glaring at the both of them. She then looks at Hermione who is happily playing with Severus's fingers and giggling as she gnaws at them. Severus doesn't seem to mind or even realize Hermione is making a meal of his fingers and keeps sneering at them.

"It's a great idea Poppy," Dumbledore said, waving his hand as if shooing away her worries. "Severus doesn't have anything better to do - "

"Yes, I do! I have potions to brew and - "

"So he will be perfect for the job," Dumbledore continues on, ignoring Severus's interruption. "I will send the house elves down to prepare any baby equipment and clothes he will need, and they will prepare all the meals she will need."

"But I don't know the first thing when it comes to a baby! How am I supposed to look after her? And what about cleaning her nappy? I'm not doing that! Or giving her a bath! This is preposterous!" Severus yells, losing his cool for a while. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, getting his temper under control again. "And what about Longbottom's detention?"

"I do hope you rethink this Headmaster," Poppy said, looking at Hermione in concern.

"Nope, it's already settled. Severus, you will look after Hermione. I will have someone watch over Mr Longbottom while he deals with his...punishment." Dumbledore said, walking back over to his desk and sitting down. "Now, would any of you like a lemon drop?"

***

Flopping down on his couch in exasperation, Severus puffs out a breath. He had just changed Hermione into a white with pink polka dotted onesie which had taken all the energy out of him. He didn't understand how women can do it so quickly and efficiently. It took him three goes to get it right. First, he did it back to front; second, he did the buttons done up uneven and third, her arm was at an odd angle, so she got stuck.

Looking down, Hermione was gazing around the room in wonder. Wonder at what, Snape wasn't sure. His chambers weren't very grand. The room they were in couldn't even classify as a dining-room. It was a room. He occasionally ate in it and marked his dunderheaded students work. That was all. In it stood a cheap coffee table, one long worn down couch, a fireplace and a desk in the corner occupied by a chair. In the room to his left were his sleeping quarters; one double bed with his Slytherin green comforter and a bathroom. To his right, his private potions lab stood behind the wall, giving him his privacy when brewing. All four rooms were cast in a dim light, just how he liked it.

"So," he said. Hermione looked up at him when he started to speak, giving him her full attention, "Um...I'll be marking my students work over in the corner there and you can stay in the baby rocker. I have no idea why I am even talking to you when you are a baby and have no clue as to what the hell I am saying." Severus shook his head as if to get rid of the craziness forming in his mind.

He placed her in the baby rocker the house elves brought in and placed it next to his desk. He got out all of his fifth grader's homework and began to mark them.

He was on his seventh sheet and twentieth curse word when Hermione began to scream. Like an ear-piercing scream that left you blinking in shock at what could possibly cause such a terrible sound. Looking down, he saw Hermione's face scrunched up as her mouth opened with every cry. Her face was flushed a bright red and tears streamed down her squeezed eyes.

Jumping out of his chair, he unstrapped Hermione from her bouncer and picked her up, all the while muttering under his breath, 'please don't have shit, please don't have shit.' Unbuttoning the clasps at her crotch, Severus looked in Hermione's nappy. His shoulders sagged in relief and a puff of breath he didn't know he was holding escaped his parted lips.

"Oh, praise the lords." He looked over Hermione who was still crying. "So what on Gods earth is making you scream like a bloody banshee? Do you want a bath? Are you hungry?"

As the last word left his mouth, Hermione suddenly quietened down, looking at him expectantly. She still sniffled here and there, though, from the after effects.

"You're hungry aren't you?" Severus questioned again, but she didn't reply - obviously - and continued looking up at him with her big brown orbs. "Okay, okay. I can do this. The milk formula is...in the baby bag somewhere," he walked over to Hermione's baby bag and rummaged through until he found the formula, "What did Poppy say again? Support her head while holding her horizontal..."

Severus positioned Hermione horizontally all the while she was bouncing in his arms like she was dancing to music only she could hear. Her head and arms went up and down while her face was screwed up in a picture of concentration, training her eyes on the bottled formula in Severus's free hand.

Severus brought the nipple to her lips and she greedily latched onto it, sucking on it ferociously. The flavours in her mouth seemed to be causing her so much pleasure she couldn't be still. Lunch was a serious deal with her, Severus noted. That was when he noticed that he was twenty minutes late for lunch in the great hall. He could just order the house elves to bring his food here, but Dumbledore commanded him to join them all for lunch to announce what had happened to Hermione, even if word had already gotten around.

"Shit, shit." When Hermione finished with her drink, Severus put a towel over his shoulder and burped her, remembering what Poppy told him to do afterwards. He then gathered all the things she will need and put it in her bag, striding out of his quarters.

Without noticing it, Severus started slowly rubbing soothing circles on her back as he marched up the corridors. No students were about, already in the great hall eating. It was then that he came to the realization that he couldn't go through the teacher's doors to get to his seat as they lock at twelve fifteen. He would have to make a grand entrance through the halls main entrance. And what a grand entrance it would be. The moody potions master carrying a baby dressed in a pink polka dotted onesie and a fairy printed baby bag. Snape sighed, what had he gotten himself into?

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- Ana