Love on the Scale

Chapter Forty-Four

The sound of James and Brandi's laughter reached me from the kitchen, as I measured Macyn. She didn't seem comfortable, like at any moment I'd stab her in the back with sewing pins. I held back from thinking it'd serve her right if I did. Or maybe I let the thoughts flourish. But I didn't act on them.

Our relationship was still choppy, but we were picking up the pieces, one at a time. Like a shattered mirror, it would take a long time to pick up every last piece, and some may never be recovered, but we were trying.

She still worked at the studio with James, while Brandi and I worked together at the plus size model house. It was hard to believe, but I was beginning to enjoy myself there. Derek's assignments had changed my thinking.

Over the course of a week, I'd come up with seven parts of my body that I liked, and with each discovery came a new freedom. The model house had given me a makeover, with new hair that slipped through my fingers like silk, and they'd taught me how to use makeup when I was by myself. I didn't like putting on a lot, but I'd started using lip glosses and eyeliners. Brandi had been removed from babysitting duties as James saw my confidence grow, and I found myself having less and less depressed spells. I went to therapy once a month, to make sure.

"What kind of dress do you want?" I asked Macyn as I finished with her measurements. She jumped as if a gunshot had gone off; her mind was somewhere else.

"It... It doesn't matter. You've always been best with fashion. I trust you."

I wished I could say the same. I flipped my sketchbook open and showed her the outfit I'd drawn for her. It was a dress that would reach her knees, fitted up top and loose skirt, so she wouldn't look chunky. Something I would have designed for myself when I was her size. She nodded, and looked towards the kitchen.

"Mace, do you even want a dress?"

"Yes! I do, I just..." she deflated. "I'm nervous. There's this guy..."

"A guy?"

"Yeah. He's been coming onto me for a while, and he works at the studio. He'll be in the show, and I wanted to look nice..."

So her nerves weren't because of me. Macyn had a crush. I wasn't sure whether to be irritated that she wasn't nervous around me, or happy for her. I leaned more towards irritated, but I was happy to a certain extent. Maybe if she had a man her heart would soften..

Like Neil had softened mine. It hurt sometimes, how much I missed him. James had learned not to bring him up; I didn't want to hear about him being the possession of another woman. While I knew I'd made the right decision ending the relationship, it didn't stop me from loving him. I wondered often, when I was bored, if he still loved me. Or had he moved on to another model, like I'd predicted? I had no idea, as it seemed like forever since I'd seen him.

"Chris!"

I looked up at Brandi and James, as they'd come in. James frowned at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was distracted..."

"We noticed. We're going out for dinner. Macyn is coming... do you want to go?"

He was giving me a chance to say no. To back out and get some alone time. But I was surprised by how much I wanted to go. How much I now enjoyed going out. I felt... worth noticing. Pretty, at least, even if not beautiful. "Sure, I'll go."

They were dressed, so James said they'd wait in the car. When they were gone, I flipped to the back of my sketchbook, where my latest design sat. It was the dress I planned to make myself for the show, and my heart sped up whenever I looked at it. My workout routine had tightened my body to a place I couldn't believe, and my dress reflected the changes I'd gone through. But I had no idea whether I could pull it off. It would either look amazing, or terrible, and as I hadn't quite worked out the kinks in my pessimism, I was expecting the latter.