TRACKSiDED

MIND INVADER

"Okay, okay, but get the outfit."

She goes on to try her items, and I remain in front of the mirror. She's right; the outfit does look okay.

I wonder what he'd think if he sees me before I know it; I'm red.

"OMO," I say to myself like a Tv drama ahjumma startled by my thought.

The girl next to me giggles, warping me out of my thoughts.

How can I think of Tae Won?

It's a biased feeling, both bubbles and frustration. I haven't crossed Tae Won since, and I don't want to. I'm tired of looking like a fool every time; the man must think I'm some freak.

Right now, I don't understand why I blushed. My Korean guy-wooing stage is long gone. It's funny because I've never dated a Korean guy despite all the country's love and total infatuation with the guys.

No one would believe it, but it's true. The guys I dated here were ex-pats like me, and Brad is a friend.

Many people believe that you come to Korea, and it's a huge melting pot, but it depends on where and who you are.

You have the ex-pats who only roam around with foreigners like themselves, mainly they live as though they were in their own country with their culture codes and lifestyle.

They don't even seek to speak the language, and their kids go to all English-speaking schools where a few privileged Koreans and other foreigners attend. It's like their part of some snobbish sect.

Then you have the ex-pats who try to mingle for business; my family is part of that category.

And finally, there's the freestylers and wannabees; they want to be Korean. They desire to speak the language; they do homestays and date Koreans. Visit none touristic areas of the country, etc.

When they succeed in their enterprise, they become another sort of snobbish clique, and at some point, I even get the impression they hate other foreigners.

I wanted to be a freestyler, but my social status ranked me up. At my level, but I think it's the same for any foreign girl, you understand that you can date a Korean, but if he's from a traditional family with a good background, you are just a free English tutor or a scientific experience.

If his or she's family is open-minded, you have a slight chance to live your drama romance.

Apart from Brad, I feel Korean guys aren't interested in foreign girls and those who have circumstances. For example, his background isn't good enough for Korean standards (undergraduate, penniless, divorced parents child, single parent-child, criminal record, health issues). A foreigner becomes an easy option for happiness.

Some have a genuine attraction, but family and social status can get in the way. As a result, your idle has a big stop sign on it.

So I've never dated a Korean guy, and my fangirling barometer sunk when I discovered all the things stated above. Also, I've learned to read the signs; a Korean guy's behavior can be confusing.

They're caring; they will hold doors, carry your bag for you and pay for most of the things, and sometimes one can imagine they're interested when in reality, it's just common old-fashion courtesy. I've seen many girls mistake this "kindness," imagining an ultimate love story only to be friend-zoned.

I rather avoid the unrequited love bench. I've got enough shit on my radar.

Tae Won is the first guy I'm wondering about in five years, and it's shocking me because I know nothing good can come of it, yet all I see right now is him. When I close my eyes, I can almost hear the sound of his breaths and feel his chest under my hands.