TRACKSiDED

LIE TO ME

"No, I can't take it," Tae Won says, pushing it back.

My face squashes down in protest like a lump of dough as I throw, "I insist, Tae Won, take it, or I'll throw it in the nearest trash can."

What I say has an impact. Tae Won doesn't seem shocked but annoyed. He gives me a don't-mess-with-money-stare.

I make abstraction of it, and I pursue.

"I won't be taking lessons anymore; it's the last time I see you. Thank you for everything, the river, the metro, and the nightclub. Thank you for helping me. Goodbye."

God, I want to bang my head against the wall; it sounded better when I rehearsed it in my head. Tae Won lowers his eyebrows; he seems to be reflecting. I get up and start to walk away; I feel the tears well up; the scenario was much more comfortable in my mental screenplay.

I go down the stairs and leave. I retake a few steps when a hand grasps my wrist, "did I do something wrong?"

I turn to face him, "no, you didn't."

I'm the one in the wrong.

"We shouldn't meet again; I don't need a tutor anymore."

"Then let us be friends."

"Friends?"

" 친구 할래?"

His request is insane; he doesn't know what he's asking for, and it leaves me blinking like a robot who has crashed.

"We can't."

"Why?"

My eyes dart from side to side as I search for an answer.

I killed your parents.

"Because."

"Of what?"

It's only now I notice how he looks start into my eyes; most Asians flee this, whereas, in Western culture, escaping eyes is a sign of deceit. Tae Won holds my stare head-on, I feel as though he's reading in me, and right now, Tae Won knows what I want to say, but he just wants to hear it.

"You'll regret it."

"I won't know that until I try. I know our encounters aren't the most common, you're a foreigner, and you witnessed a tragedy involving my family. There are many reasons why we shouldn't meet again, but you see, during these five years where I searched for answers, I had no one to talk to, no one understood my despair, but gosh, this is embarrassing."

He brings his hands to his face and slides his hair back, "okay, I feel like I can talk to you, that you and I can communicate, I want to communicate with you."

Why?

Why does he have to have an answer to everything?

Why does he have to be so cute?

No, Jane, no, don't fall for this. Nothing good will come of this. It's the worst decision you can make, don't do it! Jane, no!

The lights are flashing red, but I reply.

"Okay."

The grin which appears on his face is like a defibrillator that jump-starts my heart.

Shock.

1.2

Shock.

On the pavement in front of Coffee Smith, I open a new book in my Living A Lie series. I should be ashamed of myself, but my thoughts are swept away by him. It doesn't make sense, and it should be against the law, and a prosecutor should demand death by injection.

His parents are dead because of me, and I'm beating lashes at him. It's sickening.

"Jane, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're crying."

"I am?"

I am.

"Don't you want to get back inside?"

I feel dizzy.

"I'm fine; I'm a little tired. I haven't been sleeping well. I should go home."

I turn and start to walk away, my vision becomes blurred, but I carry on, and then it happens. Before I know it, I'm in Tae Won's arms.

"Jane, you can't take the metro. Let me take you home."

I haven't got much strength to argue. Tae Won supports me, and we walk to his bike.

I manage a little protest in front of it, "I'm not getting on that."

"I'll drive slowly; do you want me to holler a taxi?"

I'm scared of cars, and I've never ridden a motorbike. At the same time, a bike has no walls; I might not become all crazy. Tae Won places a helmet on me and helps me climb on.

"Hold on to me."

I barely grip his jacket, but when he starts the engine, I grasp tighter a few seconds later, I'm asleep. It's the tap he gives me which wakes me up.

I can't believe I fell asleep. I get off the bike and give back his helmet.

"Good night, Jane."

"Chalga Tae Won."

I watch him drive off.

I don't know his motives, but a part of me wants to believe Tae Won and I can be friends when it's impossible in reality.

Everything about this friendship is wrong.

But I want this lie to be true.

I'm a monster.

Hi,

Wow, who has a good vibe about Tae Won and Jane's friendship pact?

Who thinks it's the worst thing that could happen?

Let me know your thoughts.

Thank you for reading