A Player's Game

Chapter 15: Admit it

Stella

The alarm on my phone went off on the pillow beside my head. Monday morning came sooner than I thought. I hate those mornings where the night before you stay up late thinking you'll be fine to wake up early in the morning, but deep down you know you're not, but you do it anyway. Last night was one of those nights. It was kind of like my friendship with Logan. I thought I was going to be fine going into it, but deep down I knew something bad was going to happen, but I was his friend anyway. I realized that no time apart was ever going to change the fact that I liked him. I still had a choice to make though. Did I stop talking to him all together and potentially save myself from heartache that was bound to happen? Or did I stay friends with him and inevitably fall for him. I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. I can't believe I let this happen, I let someone in and I promised myself I wouldn't, I let myself bask in his bad boy glory, even if it was fake.

My tired body made its way out of bed and started getting ready for school. I put on some black leggings with an oversized sweater and put my unbrushed hair into a messy bun. I didn't really put any makeup on, I only put on mascara, I was hoping my exhausted looking face without makeup might repel Logan, preventing him from confronting me. I was beyond nervous to face him today, but I don't think I'm going to talk to him just yet, I'm not mentally prepared.

I made some breakfast and drove to school. I picked Alivia up on my way there filled her in on what's been going on for the past few days. The more that I thought about it the more stupid the situation became to me. I said something out of jealousy and I wasn't even mad about what happened anymore, I was mad at myself that I let myself get attached to him and started to feel things in the first place.

We both made our way out of the car and headed toward the doors of the school. Alivia sensed the nervousness radiating off of my body because she walked towards me and then put her arm around me so her hand could bring me closer.

"Hey, you're going to be okay today, I promise. You know maybe he won't even show up, and you won't have to see him" Alivia tried to sympathize with me.

"Or maybe I will see him, feel a bunch of things, and the whole day will go to shit" I snapped back.

"Come on, Stel. Just think on the positive side, at least you know where you stand with your feelings, you can do whatever you want with them" she gave me a faint smile.

"Yeah, that's what scares me, that I know exactly what I feel, and I don't like that Alivia. I've spent over a year making myself not feel anything, not letting anyone in. And now that I have, it's just a recipe for disaster, I'm going to get hurt"

"But sometimes getting hurt is worth the experience to love something with everything that you have. When you fall in love with someone with your mind, body, and soul, you get this feeling of ecstasy, that filled the void you had before. And then the love consumes you and you just feel pure and full of longing for one person that loves all the parts of you that you thought were unlovable. And, Stella, sometimes that's worth the possibility of getting your heartbroken" she finished by the time we reached the doors of the school.

"Jeez, go write a book on feelings or something" I joked. "Hey, I'm going straight to first period, I'll see you later" I looked back at her before heading up the stairs.

"Okay, see ya" Alivia smiled before she turned to go to class. I walked up the stairs quickly so it would lessen my chance of seeing Logan. I don't think that him and I crossed paths on my way, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure because I walked all the way with my head down. Maybe because If I had my down that mean I wouldn't have to look at him, even if he was walking by me. I continued my speed walking all the way to my seat in biology beside Kat and Jordan.