Please No ( Maze Runner - Newt X Thomas )

Chapter 14

"I don't think this is going to work"

      I looked at him in disbelief. Is he playing with me? What a bloody FUCKTARD. I shoved him away from me, not wanting to feel him up against me. He looked with at me with those eyes like I just harmed him. "WHAT?" I couldn't hold it in anymore. I'm not even upset right now. I'm completely pissed.
"What the hell Newt?!"
"What the hell? What the HELL?! You're asking ME that? Is this just some sort of game to you? Do you think you can just keep fucking around with my feelings?!" I kept swinging my arms everywhere. Once towards him, towards the ground, all around, and towards myself. If I had to guess, I'd say that my face was red from screaming. My throat is starting to get sore but I keep spitting out insults. "I'm so bloody stupid! I actually let myself fall for you! I let myself cry for you! And now you're going to kiss me and walk away?!" I stormed up to him and put my face inches away from his. "If you were just going to say that we weren't going to work then why did you stand up for me, huh? WHY'D YOU DO IT!" I spat at him. The entire time I let my heart rip its way out of my mouth, he stood there. He just bloody stood there with no emotion. I want to hit him. I want to hit him so bad.
I stayed, looking right into his eyes until I suddenly collapsed to my knees, throwing my hands over my head, and i screamed. I screamed at everything. I screamed at myself, him, us, this stupid fucking maze.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was him but I didn't want to look at him.
"Newt..dear god. I didn't know you actually felt this deep for me." I looked up at him. He was looking at the ground. He cant even look me in the eye. Coward. He started to shake his head.
"I stood up for you, for us, because I truly like you in some weird way. Those kisses were true. I didn't think I was playing with you. I just don't think I could handle it, I mean..UGH- I don't know..." He finally looked at me. He doesn't even seem hurt. "Newt, I don't think I'd be able to handle anymore of Gally or whatever else the people out there can throw at me. It's also not just that. I don't even think I'm gay." He chuckled and shook his head down in shame again. "I know that I wanted to kiss you. I know that I like you but I can't be gay. That girl knows me, what if she's like my long lost girl-" I slapped him.
"Just go. Why would I want to hear your bloody excuse." A tear escaped my eye.
"Please don't cry Newt, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, just let me figure myself out and maybe this won't all seem so bad." He grabbed my shoulders frantically while trying to look me in the eyes.
"So it all seems bad now?" I said in disbelief. "If you're just thinking that way then there's no need to come back" I held in my tears as he just looked at me. He kept blinking, like he was trying to comprehend what was happening. His right hand now made its way up my neck and to my hairline. I felt his fingers pull back with hesitation until he finally pushed his hand into my hair and pulled me in. He's going to kiss me isn't he. I shouldn't. I know that if I do that will be my breaking point. He's getting closer. God he looks so delicate. Please don't do that. Don't close your eyes. I love you. I know that I love you and you're leaving. I feel your breath. Maybe one final kiss won't hurt. What am I doing?
He closed the distance between us for the final kiss. I sighed into his lips, keeping myself from wrapping myself around his body. And then before I knew it, he was getting up and walking away. He brushed past me on the way. I sat on my knees, looking at the ground. I still feel his touch. I still taste him. I shouldn't have kissed him. This hurts so much. I slowly turned my head to see him looking at me with a tear running down his face, but he looked away and walked out of sight.
I want to run after him. I want to tell him that I'm sorry, but he is the one that wanted this to be over. I looked at the ground. I hate this. "GOD DAMMIT" I threw my fist onto the ground, dirt flying up in the process. "DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT" I quickly pushed myself up and around into a sprint and ran after him.
Please don't leave me..