Still a Better Ending than Shameless?

Chapter 27

T.W. Depiction of a panic attack and discussion of Ian's attempted rape - not explicit.

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Ian manages to keep his cool for a few minutes, but before long they're driving through downtown Terre Haute - and then Ian spots the plaza where his desperate flight from the police with Yevgeny took place. He feels the panic beginning to rise in his chest and he casts around desperately, looking for a distraction. He spots a pack of cigarettes in the void in front of the gear-box and gratefully snatches them up, along with a lighter. He's still fumbling with the packaging, when Mickey swipes them out of his hand and throws them down into the footwell.

"Hey – I,"

"No smoking in the car."

"But I – what?"

"No Smoking In The Car." Mickey raises his eyebrows and enunciates every word slowly, to ensure that the message is getting through.

"Really?!"

"They charge like a $200 cleaning fee if you smoke. I can't afford your jittery ass."

"Mick please! I'm really fucking panicking here."

"So give me a second to pull over, then you can smoke the whole pack."

"No. Don't. Just. Not here, okay. Can we please get out of this fucking town?!"

Mickey seems to connect the dots then and he takes the next turning to the left, crossing over the river and quickly passing through the remaining blocks of houses, out into open fields on a rural route. Ian has his head down in the footwell. He's very quiet, but his white-knuckled grip on the door handle to his right indicates that he's anything but calm.

Mickey pulls over in the first passing place he sees that's out of sight of the town and quickly kills the engine. Then he picks up the cigarettes and moves around to Ian's door and wrenches it open.

"Ian, y'all right?"

A moan is all he gets in response.

"Come on man, just walk a few feet and you can have a smoke."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Too much adrenaline now. I'll puke."

"Well I fucking need one now. Also, no puking in the car either."

Ian smiles ever so slightly at this and allows Mickey to put his arm around him and haul him upright. After that Ian's able to wobble over to the edge of the embankment and slump down on his own. Mickey joins him and lights up a cigarette, but he keeps a couple of feet between them and holds his smoke downwind so Ian won't smell it. They spend a couple of minutes in silence looking out at the frozen cornfields, the golden stubble of last year's stalks poking up through the snow. Before long, the sweat Ian broke out in chills him and he starts to shiver from the cold wind.

"I need to lie down." Ian whispers as he slowly gets to his feet. He opens one of the rear doors and crawls into the back seat. Mickey doesn't follow immediately and tries to drag his cigarette out as long as he can, to give Ian a little space. When he does re-enter the car, he gets into the driver's seat and looks in the rear-view mirror. Ian's managed to fit his whole body in by sprawling out with his head against the right door and his feet pressed along the top of the left window.

"This okay?" Mickey asks. He doesn't get a response initially, but he sees that the color is slowly returning to Ian's previously ashen face and when he glances back again Ian makes eye contact through the mirror.

"I'm sorry Mick, I didn't mean to scare you. I know that must've seemed strange but ..."

Mickey cuts him off.