You make me ache

Ch15: Apologies and Moonlight.

"Visit. A lot. Yes?" he suggests meekly, unhappy that this is all we can offer each other.

"Aeroplanes at every possibility" I agree, watching as he struggles to prevent his eyes from filling with tears again. The sight of his anguish only spurs on my own and soon we are both spilling with pearly tears.  As he wipes at my face, I powder kisses into his palms with the aim to reassure his recent insecurities and also to calm myself. His fingers trail from my face and down my neck, clutching at my flesh when they reach my shoulders and I cannot help but adore the tingling sensation his touch leaves; it is like the glistening trail a snail creates and I want him to trace it over and over again.

We lie silent, listening to the heavy rain hit the window and the strong winds torment the trees outside. I press myself closer into his body, whispering apologies into his ear. As he accepts both my embrace and my apology, he too apologises for his anger and distance over the past twenty-four hours. His words weaken me as I fail to see his need to apologize- his behaviour was understandable, he was hurting for the same reason I was. As I realise this- that we were and still are hurting together- I let my lips find his, delighting when I find his sweet, familiar taste. I no longer want to discuss the past day, or the scary future that the distance will inevitably bring, I only want to feel him against myself and savour each moment in a calming silence. His lips mould into mine, in the way only his can and together we move slowly and expertly; each kiss parcelled with love, a present to only each other.

As our kisses suddenly become salty, Troye lets out a subtle whimper and I kiss him harder, intensely wishing away his new tears.

"I don't want to miss you" he says gently into my mouth, his words causing my body to ache at his perfection. I trail my kisses along his jaw, my lips only pausing when I reach his ear but I fail to speak, instead only emitting shallow breaths. I scrunch my eyes with the frustration of being unable to find the right words and instead I moan quietly as his fingers meet my hair. He tugs at me, dragging me so that our foreheads come to rest against each other and I study the varying shades of blue and grey that speckle his eyes and the light shower of freckles that shower his nose; he is truly beautiful.

"I'll never not need you" I murmur before continuing "you are intoxicating and addictive and I will forever need you, your touch, the sound of your velvety accent, your smell, the sweet taste you leave on my lips and the sight of your crooked smile when you wake up to my touch... I could explore you for a hundred years and it won't be long enough, I'll never get my fill".

His lips crash back into mine, this time in quick and eager movements as if he is drowning in the sea and my kiss is his oxygen. I lock my hands around his wrists, keeping him prisoner, keeping him mine and I position my body over his, straddling his waist and refusing to separate our lips. My hunger for him is screaming, demanding to be filled. I pin his wrists above his head and slowly drag my lips away from his, smirking at the way he tries to keep me with his teeth. I look down at him, he looks fragile and every part of me yearns to protect him, to love him. I pull on his wrists stretching his arms higher up the mattress and begin to swirl dainty kisses onto his fingertips, moving them across his palms and into his wrists. I pull back up to glance down at him again, his eyes now shut and lips parted to allow for his silky moans. I lean back in, his hands still pinned high above his head, and I pepper kisses down his arms, not wanting to miss any part of his creamy skin. He writhes beneath me at the sensation and I smile into the curve of his arm pit, his tufty hair tickling me on my way to his bare chest. I lower his hands so that they are now securely pinned into the nest of hair on his head. My lips slide across his collar bones, my tongue sampling his warm skin as I gently suck and lick; his breath now matching the tempo of the pounding rain outside. Finding the concave of his throat, I press in a lingering kiss and feel him swallow under my touch. His hands squirm under my lock but I cannot release him, not yet finished exploring his body.  I traipse my kisses up his neck and onto to his chin, my lips turning upwards into a smile as I find his panting mouth. Hovering my lips above his, dangerously close, I slowly lean in, nipping him between my sharp teeth. I gently grind on his lip before dragging him outwards into freedom. Upon regaining control of his lips, he breathes my name and the delicious sound makes me link my fingers into his and pull him away from the mattress so that he is sat up with me, my ankles crossed behind his back.

The soft moon light creeps in through the small gap in the curtains and with Troye's new position, it illuminates his delicate face and I cannot resist the urge to caress my fingers over his highlighted features. I struggle to contain the warmth that fills me as I consider how lucky I am to have this intoxicating, sensitive man in my life.

"I love you Troye" is all I can manage to say as my heart beats frantically and my head dances with emotion.

"Always?"  he tests but with a knowing smile on his face.

"Always" I confirm and I smile into his lips as he reconnects them with mine. He momentarily pulls away from the kiss, just long enough to reply that he too, will always love me.

We continue to kiss slowly and sensually, the fluffy duvet long abandoned but our heated skin keeping each other warm.  The tornado of agony and anger that had wracked our bodies, destroying us has passed and our kisses and honest words are beginning to pick up the pieces, carefully slotting our relationship back together. His lips start to trail along my jaw placing feathery kisses as his fingers knot firmly in my hair and I fail to supress throaty moans at the balance between his tenderness and his demanding lust. At my moans, he starts to nibble on my earlobe and my noises steadily become more primal. His hands tug my head backwards, exposing my neck and leaving it prey to his teeth and tongue. As he devours me I pull his body in closer, tightening my legs around him and I know that I won't be happy with our closeness until our bodies become one.

Troye presses down on my hands that are now wrapped around his neck, wordlessly telling me to hold on before he uses his palms to push up of the bed, leaning forward and rocking onto his knees. My body lifts with his and he settles me down onto the mattress, his body now hovering over mine and unable to venture too far away due to my locked hands and ankles that surround him. His striking eyes wash over my face, studying each part of me separately. I stretch my neck up searching for a kiss but instead he places his index finger and thumb on my bottom lip, gently tugging and sending flutters of excitement throughout my body. I take his finger into my mouth, clasping it softly between my teeth and cautiously pull my head back, my teeth still clenched as his finger drags through me with my movement. With just his finger tip left inside me, I widen my mouth and gently suck him back in, swirling my tongue as I do so. I watch as his face contorts with pleasure, his long eyelashes fluttering and plump lips forming a pout.  His finger leaves my mouth but I clutch his hand, refusing to let it leave until I have pressed several kisses along his fingers and palm.

Lowering his body so that our torsos connect, Troye lets his lips fall to mine and I clutch the back of his head, eager to keep him in place, not wanting to lose him even for a second. The unwanted acceptance that we had gained tonight, regarding our impending separation has only intensified my need to enjoy Troye while he is here. I know that we still have months before he has to leave me, but I intend on devouring him every day between now and then; I need his kiss, his laugh and his words as the best part of my daily routine. He too, seems to be having similar thoughts as he loves me with his tender kisses and caresses. Our bodies move together, gliding against each other as we continue to entwine our limbs until we are firmly knotted together. My head spins with the intoxication of the moment; I have never loved him so hard. I have fully surrendered myself to him, to his mouth, to his hands, to his heart- he has stolen me from myself and nothing could make me happier.

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