Fucking 90s · K.C. [ENGLISH VERSION OF "Malditos 90s"]

Twelfth gaze

I don't know how to react, I didn't follow the kiss. When he separated he fixed his gaze on me.

- Shit... Listen, I...

That headache I had had months ago came back to me in an unbearable way that wouldn't let me think. All I did was feel helpless because I was sure of what would inevitably happen in two years.

I really was in shock. Kurt Cobain had just kissed me and all I did was push him and run away from there.

- Wait!

I ignored his voice even though he was still listening to me on the street. My head was going to explode and I remember reaching the corner of an alley when I collapsed. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital.

I woke up coughing and my mouth was very dry. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Kurt sitting in a chair with his elbows on the stretcher and his face sunk in his hands. When he heard me cough he started and stared at me.

- How do you feel? -he whispered in a husky voice.

- Good. -I whispered.

It wasn't good. I didn't understand anything. I didn't understand why he was looking for me after having spent only one night drunk. I didn't understand why he left Courtney because of me, or at least that's what Alice gave me to understand. I only knew that I didn't belong to that place and that every day I had it more clearly.

- Narel I... Listen, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.

- Don't worry. -I looked away.

- Look at me.

I took a deep breath, not hearing anything.

- Narel please, look at me. - I did it. - I need to talk to you.

- There's nothing to talk about, Kurt.

- Why have you been avoiding me all this time? I know you were telling Dave not to tell me anything about you.

- Because it's what I have to do.

- Why do you say that?

- Because it's the truth. I don't paint anything here. -I started to get nervous and to raise my voice- I'm not worth anything! I won't be able to prevent you from shooting yourself!

- What the fuck are you talking about?

I was aware of what I had just said and I started crying.

- That you're not going to think about anything or anyone and you're going to hit a fucking shot in the mouth.

- I never would do this.

- Don't tell me not when the whole world knows that you'll do it!

- But, what are you telling me?

The fact that I was crying and trying to breathe and that Kurt didn't believe me made me more hysterical and unable to control myself.

- Because I'm coming from fucking 2017 and I know you killed yourself in April '94! That's why I came! For you! Because I wanted to save you, but I wasn't even able to stay away from you! I've made Frances not born!

- Frances?

- Your daughter! It is supposed that in August of this year you have a daughter with Courtney, fuck.

Kurt started to laugh even more.

- Narel, it's fine, I think they have spent an egg with the pain reliever they gave you for the headache.

- Kurt, please, what I'm saying is totally serious.

He returned to fix his eyes on mine and stopped laughing when he saw that I was totally serious.

- It's impossible.

- I swear it isn't. -I sulted- Get me the black backpack.

Kurt, still confused got up and went to a chair that was in the other part of the room where I was running with clothes and a small black backpack in which I kept things like wallet and mobile. When he took it, he took back his previous position and gave it to me.

I opened and searched until I found the cell phone and took it out.

- What is that?

- It's a mobile of 2017. -I said still crying a little.

I left it and took care to begin to observe it carefully. He held it as if it were a bomb that could explode at any moment.

- But what the fuck... - he whispered.

- Let me save you, Kurt.