Shrek Really Is Love

Fiona's Answers

Immediately following the shouting match, I ran into Shrek's room. Something was very, very wrong here. I knew someone had answers,  but I also knew it was somebody who wasnt living.... here..... anymore. I knew Shrek had the real copy, and I knew my ass was in danger.

I went through his drawers, cupboards, everything. Shrek was shouting at me to stop, but he also knew he couldn't hurt me.

"SWAMP DAMMIT GEORGIA I WILL FOKKEN RAOE YOUR FUCKIN ASSHOLE. PLLLEEAAAASSSEE MEEEEEE!" He shouted, chasing after me. The sight of his giant ogre body running around inside the small shack was actually pretty funny. I was trying not to laugh as I searched for something, anything.

Shrek's hands were reaching out to grasp my tiny body. At one point I felt him snatch onto my shirt, but that was all. I got away.

I was looking and looking, then something caught my eye. I went to go grab it. It was a book. A small book that looked as if it could be a diary of some sort. My gut told me it was Fiona's diary.

"GIVE THAT BACK HERE YOU LITTLE-"

I ran out the door and slammed it. I was trying to catch my breathe. I could hear him stumbling inside, trying to figure out what happened and where I went.

I knew I needed to hide quick, somewhere he wouldnt find me. I looked all over. I considered his out house, but I cant even imagine what it would smell like.

Then I thought of it. The boulder.

I ran up the hill. Thankfully, I slide behind the boulder just as I heard shrek come out.

I held my breath and stayed quiet. I couldn't risk him hearing me. If he found me, I know what he would do. I would end up just like that boy in yhe forest.

Thinking back to it, I knew Farquaad coukd never do that kind of damage to someones asshole like that. You needed an ogre dinky. Also, the "Farquaad Forever" writing matched the writing in the last couple of pages of the fairy tale!

Shrek wasn't love... but Shrek was so many people's life.

"She's gone, Donkey." I heard Shrek say. He called Donkey inside. I was so relieved. It was getting dark out,  and soon it would be nightfall. I needed to read this quickly.

I opened up the diary and skipped right to the back, and to the days following Fiona's death.

"Dearest Diary,

Things seem to have gotten worse. It seems as if Shrek pays more attention to Donkey than even our own children.... I hope it's just a small phase. I have been keeping busy with the chores, and today Wuppy learned how to say "fart"! It was so cute, I am so proud of him!

I hope things get better soon,

Fiona"

I kept reading; there must be some information of value here.

"Dearest Diary,

I tried to talk to Shrek, but all he did was ignore me. I don't know what is wrong. It seems like Donkey and him are hiding something from me, and not something good like a party. Donkey is barely talking to me anymore.... This is getting hard,

Fiona"

"Dearest Diary,

This is getting out of hand. Donkey has replaced my spot on Shrek's bed, and I am forced to sleep on the couch. He no longer cooks Dunne for me, only him and Donkey. Even last night, I swear out of the corner of my eye I saw them kiss.

Shrek was supposed to be my forever,

Fiona"

"Dear-

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS. SHREK WAS MY HUSBAND. HE WAS MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER. I AM A FUCKING OGRE FOREVER BECAUSE OF HIM. I GUESS THERE IS ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO

I am so, so sorry Diary....

You can find me, swinging by my neck at the Old Oak Tree...

-Fiona Forever"

No.... that doesn't mean what I thought it meant. Fiona died before the apocalypse? Fiona killed herself? Shrek and Donkey are gay?

I need to find Fiona's grave. I need to find the Old Oak Tree.