Grieving Hearts [Completed]

47- forever.

You remember Agustin, once I was reading the same book and you started making fun of me that I read child's book and I said, my mother used to read that story to me and reading that book makes me feel closer to her, then you asked what is my favourite part and I told you where Alice asks White Rabbit, how long is forever and White Rabbit says: sometimes just one second.

And you started laughing saying that, that was the most nonsensical thing you have ever heard and you said I am so silly and innocent to believe that, and I challenged you that one day you will understand the meaning of it.

For me that moment was when you said ' I do' looking at me in the eyes, in that heartbeat when those words left your lips.... it was just you and me in that moment, every other things became insignificant, I could have died happily in that moment, then and there, that was my forever.

But you know what, today I realized, you where right, I was silly, that was the most nonsensical thing I have ever heard too. You won.

You ruined my forever.

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# Day 2

You know what Agustin Deluca. I work for 10 hours, I have Alex to take care of, to sum it up I have quite a busy life. But you know what is the worst part? You still somehow manage to dominate my thinking process.

How pathetic does that makes me.

You might be fucking some chick right now and you know what am I doing? Wasting half of my salary on a psychiatrist to get you fucking out of my head.

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#Day 3

If I am ever asked to describe what are you to me in just two words, you know the first thing that comes to my mind?

My ruin.

And I fucking hate that, I hate to admit that you have so much power over me.

How I want to say: fucking no one, just someone from my past, just a wrong decision. I want you to be those insignificant things in my life.

Because you so aren't worth it.

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#Day 4

Sometimes I just wonder maybe it was me who was not able to gain your trust, but then I ask this simple question to myself how I could have done thing differently.. you know what answer I get, nothing...nothing at all. Because I gave you my everything so there wasn't pretty much more left to do. So stop making me feel miserable and make me blame myself for evey damn thing.

It's your fucking fault and you should be the one suffering, Isn't it? I am tired of hearing that life is not fair to some. What is god for, then?

I pray you rot in hell.

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#Day 5

Tick tock, tick tock time goes on, but my life is stuck, my brain always going through a turmoil of emotions and storm of bitter memories, but my life has come to a stand still, you know why is that, because no matter how many storm comes, you still stand in the middle of it completely unaffected and rooted to your place, like a fucking stubborn leech, sucking my life out of me.

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#Day 6

Today I looked myself in the mirror, I have wide black shadows under my eyes, I am loosing weight at the rate which will make me extinct from the face of Earth within a month or two. I am alive on sleeping pills which will put me to sleep to give way to nightmares, nightmares you have set within my very soul.

Now if I don't take the sleeping pills I can't sleep if I take them and go to sleep the nightmares won't let me live.

Are you happy now?

Is this what you ment when you said you will destroy me?

If yes then, congratulations, mission accomplished.

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All the air got knocked out of my lungs when I read that.

I stopped reading for a moment to catch my breath and clear my blurring vision. My chest tightening in pain, guilt washing over me in scorching waves. My emotions where all over the place, it took me a good ten minutes to normalise my breathing back and muster the courage to resume reading further

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#Day 7

You remember how we planned when we will have our first child, we will go somewhere far and peaceful for a while, with just you me and our child, and how we will take care of the child ,what all things to do, what all things to buy. I used to get so happy just by thinking about it.

I even thought a name for our child, if it would be a boy, I will name him Alex, it was my brother's name, I still miss him so much.

If it's a girl, I will name her Iris, you know Iris means rainbow in Greek, she will be our little rainbow.

At that time I never thought it would never happen.

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I closed the file, I can't do this anymore. I can feel the wetness on my cheeks. Christ, what have I done. What have I done.

My chest is burning, and it's that type of burn which you know won't fade away with time, it will remain there to remind you of your mistakes, like a cross around your neck.

I have made her go through all this and god knows what more.

How can I think of using Alex to force her to stay with me like that, Alex means so much to her, it must have pained her so very much.

I felt another knife like twist of guilt directly aimed at my gut.

I looked at the time. It was past midnight, but sleep was the furthest thing from my eyes.

The only thing going on in my mind was, how can I repent myself. How can I make her forget all this, how can I erase all I have done to her from her memory.

How can I make her pain go away.

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Please vote comment and share if you like the chapter. 😇

Wattpad is driving me crazy, I had typed this chapter like seven times, the draft gets deleted on its own.😥😥

I am going to update the next chapter only after all this is shorted out.

Thank you,
Until next.
Ricky ❤❤