Who Am I? » [Stucky]

41. Fall Out

Steve's eyes widened in his face, taken completely aback, he pulled away, suspended in startled shock, leaving Bucky staring up at him with a pair of lovingly lit eyes, hopeful and desperate all at once. He looked drunk on adrenaline and in a state of delectation.

"Bucky?!" Steve gasped, at a complete loss of breath after having a surprise kiss sprung on him. "What the hell?!" Steve crawled backwards across the bed away from him, staring at Bucky in amazement and distress. He moved as far away as he could get and sat on the edge of the bed, throwing his legs over and turning on the lamp.

Bucky's whole world crumbled around him, everything falling apart in tiny little pieces and being blown away by the east wind. Everything had broken into smitherines. What had he done? His belly tightened and wrenched he felt utterly sick, like he was about the throw up the entirety of his internal anatomy, all of the blood in his petrified body rushed to his pale face, turning his face the brightest most mortifying shade of red and his cheeks heated like an open fire. All of the air left his lungs as the revelation hit him. Steve didn't feel the same.

Steve had his face buried in his hands, and his hands laid flat on his lap. He was hunched over as he tried to get his head in order. "Bucky... I... I don't know what to say?!" Steve mumbled into his hands. They were in a big fucking mess. "Are you..." He looked over his shoulder, his face illuminated by the white light coming from the light bulb. "Gay?" He finished and looked at him intensely, waiting impatiently for an answer.

Bucky's eyes darted about nervously, flickering about the place and he fidgeted in his place. He could only look down at the crumpled rumpled white cover smothered mattress. He couldn't meet Steve's judgemental blue eyes, he didn't want to see the contemptuous disappointment he was sure now resided there. He knew it would; amongst a cocktail of other emotions that included disturbance, perplexity and cogitation.

"I don't know..." The words rolled off his tongue heavy with doubt and hesitancy. Was he? He'd never given his sexuality a label before; he'd never thought to... All he knew was he was completely and irreversibly in love with Steve.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously, trying to think, but his mind was just overwhelmed with feelings of disarray, deceit and disquietude. He looked up at Steve and felt his heart clench when he saw Steve's disrelished face. He looked away immediately.

"I don't know..." Bucky repeated in incertitude. "I don't know..." He whined weakly.

He scampered across the mattress and placed a friendship seeking hand on Steve's warm shoulder.

It was Steve's turn to flail an arm and push him away and he clutched his shoulder where Bucky had lain a hand upon him in remembrance. Steve shuddered, troubled by the new discovery about Bucky's feelings for him. What was he to make of that? He had no clue.

"I'm sorry..." Bucky purred out in a broken-hearted voice, agonised by his unrequited feelings.

Steve said nothing, his head was still hung and he stared blankly at the floor. It was almost as if Bucky wasn't really there, as if he was some kind of ghostly apparition watching Steve, like he used to from the rooftop across from the flat; with Steve blissfully unaware of his presence.

"I thought-"

"I don't want to hear it..." Steve cut him off, shutting him up before he even had the chance to begin. Steve couldn't even process words. He was to absorbed in his own mind.

"Steve, please?" Bucky sobbed, tears starting to leave his eyes. He was regretting the decision already.

"No, Bucky!" Steve roared at him, turning his head and yelling at him, he was like an agitated lion.