I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 78

So I found a notebook and pen in one of the otherwise empty drawers and started writing in it. Writing everything. Memories, my thoughts and feelings, where I want to get to, my frustrations about what happened to me, coping mechanisms and signs... you name it.

I filled up early the whole book in just one night. I got carried away, lost in the pages. Although I must admit it did make me feel better knowing that I was getting somewhere and that my progress was recorded in this book in case I was to forget again.

If I was to continue however, as much as I hated to admit it, I needed help. Which is why I wrote a letter to Steve listing everything that I needed from him, apologising once again, wishing him and everyone well and asking him once more to look after my family until all of this is over. At the end of it I told him to get someone from S.H.I.E.L.D that wasn't him, that wouldn't be recognised by passers by, that could be trusted to meet me here at this park at this time with all of the things I asked for. I signed it off and put it in the box where Steve told me and waited to make sure he got it.

It wasn't until almost midnight, when I was about to give up thinking that even he had given up on me but was unable to blame him, or that he had been taken captive for knowing me, that he came. I watched from where I hid in the nearby bushes as his shadowed figure, lit up by the moonlight, trampled over to the box, lent down and then paused when he opened it to actually find something. My heart squeezed knowing that he actually came like he said he would because I was relying on him here. Part of me longed to go talk to him but the other, more rational part knew that that would defeat the purpose of this whole thing.

So I just watched as he straightened up, opened the letter and read it right there. He took his time and then once he was finished he looked around himself seemingly stunned.

I didn't realise how much I missed everyone already.

"Buck?" He whispered into the darkness.

As much as I wanted to and as bad as I felt, I didn't reply. I didn't even move incase the bushes shook until he was well out of earshot.

And that is what led me to where I am right now. It's crazy I know. How do I know I won't get spotted or that someone will actually show and that it won't be Steve? I just have to trust him and the rest is up to me.

Trying to keep my breathing under control and myself calm I spare a glance at the town clock. They should be here any minute.

Someone, a middle aged man balding with glasses, bumps into me, into my hard, metal arm and we both stumble a little. Naturally, I reach for him to help steady him and for a split second we make eye contact before I turn away. My heart races in fear that they might think that my arm is out of the ordinary or if they recognise my face but thankfully they seem to be in a hurry because they continue on their way in a rush without barely a word.

"Oh! Sorry," they say absentmindedly.

"Don't worry about it." I mumble in a low, deep voice keeping my head bowed and my hands in my pockets.

Without looking suspicious I let my eyes flit around looking for any sort of sign as to who the person might be. I have no idea who or what to look for except for someone carrying a package of some sort, hopefully they've made it look like nothing to big or inconspicuous.

Five minutes late and I start to get anxious but then finally I spot something. A man dressed in casual dress clothes carrying an old shoebox tied with a string. Perfect, it just looks like a parcel.

I smile and wave out but am careful not to show my face or draw too much attention, acting as if I know the guy.

Thank god it's freezing out so I don't look like an idiot having the drawstrings of my hood pulled tight.