"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title Your title is very intriguing. I like it and its poetic air.
Cover The only complaint I have about your cover is that the flower pattern image is cut off (you can see the straight edge of it against the black. An idea might be to make that pattern cover the entire cover, put the wolf in the middle, and put the title, subtitle, and author's name in a black or white box. Yes, you have the strip of black for the author's name, but it's an outlier from the rest of the cover. Of course, the cover is all up to you in terms of how you do it. I'm just offering a suggestion (out of many, I might add).
Blurb Your blurb is excellent except for two things. The first is that the part when you ask the questions and answer them should be put into separate sentences. That is, the answers to the questions shouldn't be separated. It won't affect the look of your blurb if you do this, and it'll make it accurate.
*since your story comes in 16 parts, I will review four chapters at a time, coming to around four portions of review*
But first, the prologue.
Prologue Fantastic job, first off! The way you convey the old woman is so great with the subtle foreshadowings that you add. It really intrigues the readers and makes them question a lot of things about what this story will entail. Although it's short, is good. Nicely done.
Chapters 1-4 Your style is impeccable and so fun to read, but I would like these first two chapters a lot more if you had somehow condensed it all into one chapter. Chapter 1 is kind of boring, uneventful, and void of action or things to question (no foreshadowing, either), but Chapter 2 got a lot more interesting. I know that the information is vital from the first chapter and that the action in Chapter 2 is exciting, so I wonder if you could somehow combine those. Perhaps you could add an element of mystery or something supernatural or weird in the first chapter if you need to keep Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 separate.
You also have two mechanical issues. The first is that whenever a character thinks specific thoughts, you should italicize them. The second is that your paragraph formatting is inconsistent. Most of the time, you have the format that I have, but sometimes you do this weird thing where you stop the paragraph. Then you continue it like this. That's incorrect! Be consistent. Also, every single paragraph needs to be separated consistently.
If you're going to separate them like that, then do it every time. None of this (I apologize for the string of incorrectness)! Make sure that the spacing between chapters are a consistent space, too. Sometimes you have more than the others. I'm wondering if you intended to have a line separate the two, and if so, include something of the sort in there. -1 point for the inconsistencies and errors! Your current total is negative one.
I love the addition of Chapter 3 and the new elements that you introduce (and finally an element of interest and action)! Good job!
The descriptions in Chapter 4 were absolutely beautiful, and the strange things happening were a good touch to a chapter otherwise void of plot, like you had mentioned in your author's note. I agree, but I think that the beautiful language (surprisingly not a case of purple prose) and the mysterious elements you added really balance out that chapter. Another good job! +1 for that and you're breaking even!
Chapters 5-8 Mrs. Vaughn's character is very lovable and has developed so much from the phone call with our encounter with her in Liesel's appointment. Good job yet again!
Make sure that your use of ellipses is correct in terms of directly connecting the clauses and the like. I can elaborate in the comments at your request if you'd like. Be careful with the space between those paragraphs again!
I love the foreshadowing and language of the description of the tapestry. You describe things so excitingly. It really is a thrill to read! That's impressive because it's hard to pull off. +1 point and you're at one.
Chapters 9-12 Nice plot twist in Chapter 9—your capture of emotion is impeccable. However, it took you an entire nine chapters to build up to this point. Yes, the previous chapters have many great elements and surprises, but it takes so long to get the plot up and running. The conflict was just presented to us. I think that's a bit of a problem. Consider presenting the conflict earlier so your story doesn't have a "slow burn," as you question in your author's note. I agree that it does slowly burn. In one of my stories, Trident, I start off by saying that the day was strange. Then, I proceed by briefly describing the strange elements of that day. It presents many questions for the readers and gives some information. After that, there's a major element and I go into detail. That's the first chapter. From then on, the subplot is launched at full speed. This is only one idea (that I don't particularly think that you'll do only because you'll think that your elements are very important, to which of course you know a lot more than me about it). I could help you more in my private messages if you need some guidance or if you have questions or idea.
In Chapter 10, I think you have a contradiction (or a misunderstanding). Towards the end of the chapter, Liesel inspects herself. During that description, she mentions the tears streaming down her face. However, then at the end of the chapter, Liesel says that she let herself cry. Is this a contradiction or are you saying that she tried not to cry but then finally let loose? I think you should make this clearer to avoid confusion.
Also, make sure you're consistent with indentations (or lack thereof). Either you indent the same amount in every line, or you don't indent in every line. -1 for inconsistencies and you're at zero.
Great ending to Chapter 11. +1 and you're at one.
Chapters 13-15 I might've missed it, but I don't recall an introduction of this Banks character. I assume he's like a butler or just another servant, but I don't remember you mentioning him. I might have just missed it, though. :)
Great ending to Chapter 14 (another good ending)! Those twins were definitely onto something. +1 and you're at two!
You leave me on a cliffhanger?! Why does everyone do this?! Ah, well. Your good writing compensated for it. I guess. ;)
Hm. I am a bit disappointed, though. Your blurb, title, and cover promise of a werewolf tale, and there hasn't been a mention of werewolves in 14 chapters! Yes, you give clear hints of it, but the real plot hasn't even begun to start. Your story certainly is a "slow burn." I think that's your fatal flaw with this piece of writing. However, your style is amazing. So exciting to read even if the plot isn't exciting! That's impressive. You truly have a way with words.
Overall, Silverstep11 got two points! Be careful of inconsistencies and your rate of plot! Otherwise, great piece!
