"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title Your title is very intriguing, indeed. I wonder, however, if there's a certain element that would interest the readers so much that they would be dying to read your story? Why not call it Aelura or even just Abbernathy?
Cover Your cover's image is great! Consider making the text of the title a bit bigger so that our eyes are drawn to it first, though.
Blurb Nice work with the blurb! You've effectively lured me in with necessary information. Few can accomplish that! +1 point!
*since your story comes in 18 parts, I'll be reviewing three at a time, totaling to six portions of review*
The Promise of Dawn–The Promise of Dawn (Queen's POV) The beginning of this story is spot on. The hook is excellent. +1 point to make your total two.
Shouldn't it be cat-man, since it's a new and unusual compound noun?
Feign is an interesting name for a villain. I wonder if you named him that on purpose because of its meaning, "pretend or fake." Very interesting, indeed.
In the second part of your story (called "Dawn"), you use the word "raze." I think you might mean "raise," instead. "Raze" means to completely destroy (a town, building, or other place).
I love the sacrifice and how it ties in with your blurb. Very touching. +1 for that and your total is three.
At first, I had initially thought that the extra part from the queen's point of view would be unnecessary. However, it presents some great new insights. However, I still feel as though it interrupts the flow of the story. When you replay the same scene right away after the readers had been hit by the impact of Lain and the queen's sacrifice, it takes away from that impact. Consider placing the "extra" part at the very end of the story. That way, it's more optional to read and the readers can relive the nostalgia of the beginning of the book after they've been hit by the impact of the end of your story. Many other authors do this, placing it at the end.
Chapters 1-3 Is Abbernathy in our world or a different one? If she's in our world, then the capital city of Laos in actually Vientiane, not "Triad." If she's in a different world (like I'm assuming), consider changing the location's name to something besides "Laos" so us readers don't get confused. "Mirea" is also something in our world—the Moscow Technical University. Define the terms a bit more frequently, too. I often found myself confused as to which one was the country and which one was the world (or neither?). -1 for the confusion to make your total two.
Make sure that when you write lists, you have the word "and" before the last item in a list. You also have some issues with commas (particularly and mostly in the sentence with the list).
If Abby's cats physically say their words aloud through the use of their mouths, then surround the speech in quotation marks and leave it as regular text. If not, simply and only italicize them. I also think that you should be more explicit in the question if Abby's cat is actually talking or if his "dialogue" is just Abby's interpretation of his body language. Make it clearer so us readers can properly understand it right from the beginning. -1 for more confusion and you're at one.
