"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title I can't tell you how many stories on Wattpad have the word "shattered" somewhere in their title. But it's not alone in this case, so I think I'll let it slide if it ends up being appropriate to the plot of the story.
Looking back, the Shattered Reality school didn't come into play in the plot in twenty-three chapters. I don't know or even see why it's called that, either. All in all, I don't understand its name and importance (perhaps at least not yet).
Cover Your cover looks nice! I'm a sucker for Cinzel Decorative, and the split color scheme is a nice touch. There are hundreds of thousands of crown covers on Wattpad, too, but I think I'll do what I did with the title and let the story itself give the cover a chance.
Blurb The blurb is better than a lot I've seen on Wattpad, but I'm really confused. You give the readers new terms and yet don't define them. I think the new terms aren't going to be remembered and I think the terms take away from the plot arc you're trying to present to the readers. A king dies, a goddess falls in love (...and with a mortal! I would avoid the ellipses and exclamation points in your blurb, by the way), and a dwarf bringing an eleven-year-old girl who hates fairytales into this kingdom.
I have a question. Where's the overall plot arc? What is the central conflict of the story? That's what I want to know, and I don't really know what your story is going to be about just from the blurb. I'm very confused.
*since your story comes in 26 parts, I'll be reviewing three parts at a time, coming to around nine portions of review*
Map–Second Prologue Okay, a map and brief announcements—great. Good. I'm fine with that. It's brief enough to be okay. Let's move on to the first prologue (allegedly).
From what I can gather from the first several paragraphs, your first prologue is really an info-dump. That means that you're giving your readers too much information at one time. I know I won't be able to remember hardly any of it! I think you're trying to make it work with the classic "storytelling" voice ( things like "why, it was very simple—one could tell..." etc. etc.), but it's too much for me to handle. A much better idea for the entire first prologue would be to integrate this information throughout the moving plot. That way, your readers can soak in a little information at a time and be able to retain it much better. Overall, though I like your style and though I like the way you characterize your lands and people and kingdoms, the first prologue is too much of an info-dump.
On a bit of a side note, why are the people of Consilii Catholic if they have many gods and goddesses? Catholicism is a monotheistic religion, meaning its people believe in one God. But your world has more than one. Your people also seem to have a sort of Bible, but this is a different planet. Wouldn't they have something different or at least a different name? It doesn't really make sense to me, but let's move on to the second prologue before I forget everything you just told me.
