"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
This is another review on the same book by previously named author @izzabellah with her story, "Dying Dreams." After editing and "rebranding," as the author put it, another review was requested about the changes made. For those of you who are just reading, you are allowed to request more than one review for the same book (not consecutively, of course)! Let's see if awtsider has improved.
Eracelli Package
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Title I like this title better than your previous one, because it tells more of the type of story this is. Your last title, "Dying Dreams," didn't sound like a mythological story. This one does, and I like it (though perhaps consider placing an article before "titan" like "a titan" or "the titan").
Cover Your cover is very nice. I really like the tag line and the image. The composition is great.
Blurb The very first thing I notice about the blurb is a run-on sentence. When you have two independent clauses, you must separate those clauses with commas andcoordinatingconjunctions. So, let's talk grammar. Make sure that you have the word "and" at the last items of a list. "Only one thing is certain" should either have a period or a colon following it.
Those grammatical things are disappointing, because the content of the blurb is actually good. The grammatical errors totally take away from your ethos (your credibility).
One more thing: your cover is no longer mine. Credit to me for someone else's cover shouldn't happen. I know you likely forgot about it.
*since your story comes in 17 parts, I'll be reviewing three parts at a time, coming to around 6 parts of review*
Author's Note–Thanatos Your author's note almost sounds like...like you're apathetic about how your story is. I know (I hope) you don't mean it, but when you say things like, "there will be clichés," or especially, "some chapters won't be as good because I didn't try as hard or didn't like writing it as much," then it gives off the impression that you aren't giving us readers your best product. Don't do that! Even if it's not true, make us think that this is your best. When it looks like you doubt or don't care about your own story, it will make your readers think the same—and they haven't even read a word yet! Don't do that!
And another thing: the author's note is too long. I seriously say this in every single introductory part in every review (you can check!), and I'm sick of saying, "Don't waste your readers' time! They've only come to read your story—not information that's obvious or forgettable!" I know you don't take destructive criticism; I'm trying to help. And I hope that you heed my words, because half of the time the issue of long introductions that willturn awaypotential readers is never solved. Do people not believe me? Do they just not care? Do they somehow convince themselves that the introduction is necessary despite what I and many other reviewers say? Whatever the reason, I hope that you will be the first to actually delete this author's note (or at least condense it greatly and take out all unnecessary information).
