Is It Worth It? (Sequel to 12th Avenue)

29

LAUREN

I sit in the kitchen with my parents while the kids sit in the living room with their toys and other things they play with while watching tv.

"Lo, we need to seriously talk," My mom says.

"More lectures?" I fake smile.

"It's not a lecture, we're just informing you," My dad says after rolling his eyes.

I shrug, "So what now?"

He gives me a look that actually makes me feel like a child, "Usted debe saber, usted hizo las decisiones estúpidas."

(A/N: Aye ion know if it translated right but "You should know, you made the stupid decisions." )

I suck my teeth, they say this like I don't already realize that.

My mom shakes her head, "Ahí vas con la actitud. tan obstinado, sólo escucha!"

("There you go with the attitude. You so stubborn, just listen!" )

I fold my arms, "Eso es mierda."

("That's fucking shit." )

My mom slaps the back of my head and scowls at me, "You were and still are emotionally abusive to your wife, and you won't have that title for much longer."

I scrunch my face, "I'm emotionally abusive? Now I'm convinced y'all saying anything."

My dad sighs, "Think about it."

I stare at him while trying to see what they do and at first it was pointless, but I slowly started to see it.

I nod, "Ohhhh, okay."

My mom mocks me, "OhHHhH, oKAy."

My dad points to me, "You think these kids don't know what y'all do and say to each other?"

I stay silent and look down at my hands, I knew I was wilding out, but damn. Not this much. It definitely wasn't intentional.

"Baby, you did this. The same lengths it took to cause this, is the same lengths plus more you need to go to fix it."

I look up at my dad and he gives me a nod. I nod back at him and place my cheek in my hand.

I try to act like I been doing me and I don't need her  but I know I do. I can't even sleep at night without her in the same bed as me.

If I want to fix all of this I know I gotta check myself on a lot of things. At this point I'm willing to do whatever to just have her with me again, I'm going out of my mind without her. I can't stop thinking about all the things we did and the way she made me feel.

"Do you want to fix this?" My mom asks.

I know it's not right acting like she ain't the only thing I want. No matter how hard I try I just can't get over her, I'm sick from all these lies and games we went through and I can't stand being the reason we turned out this way.

"I do."

I can try to act like I don't wanna be with her, like I would be okay if she just walked away. I can try to act like she was just a face and I'll forget her in a day. Like I can do without seeing her everyday and I can find another person to make me feel how she did. It's all impossible, I'm embedded to every part of her.

Who knows, maybe the divorce is best, since we've been arguing the way we have, nonstop. But I'm gonna try to save our marriage, with everything in me. I love her more than anything can describe.