The Lover; Septiplier

0.8

"You're biased."

"No, I just know my type." Mark said. "I'm sure that's how you got a job in the first place. Cause you're different looking than the rest of them. You add variety and some men really like that. They want a bottom, you know?"

"I-I am not a --"

"Yeah sure, go ahead and tell yourself that." Mark laughed. I felt my face turn a bright red and I hated this feeling that Mark pulled out of me. He had this.. way with me. To make all of my confidence disappear and to remain as nothing more than a very awkward and shy boy which was not a good description for me at all.

Something about it though was.. So nice. So familiar and so comforting.

I looked down at my beer and let out a sigh.

What a life a lived..

I was an outcast from my family, I had no close friends anymore and here I was, sitting beside my ex as if nothing had changed in the first place. My name had been raked through the mud and I know I would never be able to get an actual good job, and I know that it will only become a worse job the longer I'm involved with it, I mean, look at the obscenities my coworkers go through. 

Knowing that I would never have the life I wanted, well that kind of sucked. And yet, I was sitting right beside the man who had ruined it all for me. Why would I think that was a good idea? Well, because even after everything he was the only one who still wanted me. He was the only thing from my past life that was both good and was left. I had no idea how to react to that knowledge. 

"Jack?" Mark spoke up, "You've been quiet for a while. Is everything alright?" 

"Yeah, it is." I said before turning to the bartender and ordering a shot. He smiled kindly at me before pouring it and placing the glass down in front of me. "I guess I'm just thinking is all."

"Well, there's not a reason for you to not tell me, is there?" 

"I don't know if there's a reason for e to be thinking about it at all." I shrugged.

"I'm sorry," Mark said and the apology stunned me a little.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

Mark looked down at his glass and shook his head. Maybe he was feeling the same kind of confliction that I was. The confliction that even though we both had some deep feelings for one another, there was an underlying fear that came with it. That it could end in disaster once more and then where would we be?

"Mark?"

"Hm?"

"I have a question."

"Go for it."

I took a deep breath. "All this time, when you were trying for me again and what not, giving it this shot," I began. "Are you ever.. Afraid of anything?"

"Anything like what? Like you cheating on me again?" Mark asked. I nodded my head.

"No," he shook his head before giving a sad smile. "No, I think I would deserve something like that. Besides, you never really struck me as the cheating type, it was just so.. sudden and I don't think it's something you take enjoyment out of."

"What about that thing that happened with Emily?" I asked.

"Mm, the bet, is that what you're talking about?" Mark asked.

"Yeah."

"No, I'm not really worried about that either." Mark shrugged. "I don't know, so much of you is the same and yet, so much of you is so different. So much more rugged, matured, almost as if you lost part of yourself when I.. When I revealed everything."