In the weeks that past, Natsu found his mind wandering more and more.
He came to resent the time between his meetings with Lucy. Zeref had barely given him any missions lately, so instead Natsu was forced to spend his time confined in their fortress, alternating between training, eating and hunting.
When he did leave the fortress, be it to see Lucy herself or to meet with Happy, he knew his brother noticed. He knew Zeref sensed that he was lying about where he was going. Ever since his brother had lost the ability to spy on him, it hadn't taken Zeref long to abandon all trust completely. There was barely any brotherly love left between them, and Natsu seldom found himself mourning that loss.
Although he did wonder why Zeref had yet to put him in chains, like he used to.
Knowing that it was likely his confinement was drawing near, Natsu spent what little freedom he had wisely.
He showered Lucy with bashful kisses each time her saw her. He craved her touch more than he'd ever craved blood. The way she smiled contentedly each time they pulled apart… it made him restless just thinking about it. It made him desperate to see her again, cursing each minute that took an hour to drag by.
It still shocked him that she let him kiss her. That she kissed him back. She even grew frustrated with him sometimes because he barely touched her. He kept his hands to himself, despite how much he yearned to cup her cheeks, grasp her hips, let his hands wander. But, as he'd told her many times, his hands were made for killing, not caressing.
She'd brought his palm to her cheek once, leaned into his touch. He wanted to graze his thumb over the soft skin of her face, but his claws had looked so sinister pressed that close to her. He'd imagined touching her anyway, and felt bile rise in his throat when he imagined leaving an accidental scratch on her skin.
He would not hurt her.
But he was selfish and greedy, and when tendrils of light had wound their way round his fingers and made his claws fade away he had not protested. He had touched her face, he had pulled her against him, he had let his hands wander. She had been greedy too, but somehow he had managed to stop them from going too far.
It wasn't that he didn't want to lie with Lucy –gods, he'd kill a thousand men for one night with her- but that he didn't want Lucy to lie with a monster. If her allies ever found out, they'd be disgusted, he knew it. Who would ever willingly give themselves to one such as him? It would look barbaric, to be with her as he was. If she changed him, it could be different, but he wouldn't use her like that. Changing him took its toll on her, and she'd already put enough at risk because of him.
All of these thoughts swirled through his mind as he flew.
He was meeting Happy today, at their usual place. Surprisingly, Natsu had grown quite fond of the feline. In truth, Natsu considered Happy a friend.
The cat was easy to get along with. He shared Natsu's mischievous nature and the two of them often found themselves close to falling out of the tree from their laughter. Sometimes he forgot that he hadn't known Happy long, for it seemed that they'd been friends his whole life.
Natsu's smile grew as the tree came into view, his wings picking up their pace. He could make out a speck of blue that emerged from the braches, so instead of landing in the tree, Natsu kept flying.
Happy laughed as he glided over him before using his own feathered wings to fly after him. This was a common occurrence. The two of them loved to race each other through the air. Sometimes they stayed near the ground, seeing who could avoid obstacles better. Other times, they flew so high that they couldn't be seen from the ground, until they grinned at each other and gave in to the pull of gravity, playing chicken with the ground.
