Evie's Job

116: Evie

Evie sat on the couch, next to Natalie, thinking about what she’d just decided. She felt a little panicky. It wasn’t a big deal, she tried to tell herself. It absolutely wasn’t. People moved in with each other all the time, and didn’t get upset about it. People did it all the time, she thought, but all the same, her breathing suddenly felt strangely shallow.

Natalie seemed to notice. “What’s wrong?” she said, after a moment.

“I just moved in with you.”

Natalie seemed puzzled. “Well, yes…” she said.

“I’ve never done this before,” Evie said.

“No,” Natalie said gently. “No, you haven’t. But now you are.”

Natalie had been holding one of Evie’s hands. Evie shook it free. She wasn’t quite sure why, other than she needed to squeeze it herself. She put both hands between her knees, her fingers twisted together, and pressed tightly. Natalie watched, and seemed to be wondering what to say.

“I’m thinking too much,” Evie said. “I don’t know why.”

“Do you need to think anything? Other than happy, I mean?”

“I’m not sure,” Evie said. “I shouldn’t panic, should I?”

Natalie smiled. “I wouldn’t have thought so, no.”

“It’s just that I haven’t done this before…”

“I know. You said.”

“Yeah,” Evie said, and sat there, thinking. “But what if everything suddenly goes wrong, now?”

Natalie leaned over, and put her arm around Evie’s back. She hugged Evie gently. “Nothing will go wrong.”

“It might. You don’t know. This might spoil everything between us. I might spoil everything without meaning to.”

“You won’t.”

“I might.”

“Evie,” Natalie said. “Calm down. Nothing’s going to change, not badly, anyway. I promise you it won’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Common sense. It hasn’t yet.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well…” Natalie said, and looked around the room. Evie didn’t understand. Natalie looked again, pointedly, and Evie suddenly realized what she meant. Natalie was seeing the scatter of Evie’s possessions that were already there, Evie’s nail-polish bottles on the coffee table and her textbooks in the kitchen, a pile of Evie’s clean laundry on a lounge-room chair, and several pairs of her shoes kicked off and abandoned beside the front door. The apartment already looked like Evie lived there. It looked like a mess, too.

“I can be tidier,” Evie said, suddenly worried again.

“What?” Natalie said. “No, not that. Fuck, Evie, what’s…”

Evie shrugged.

“Don’t be tidier,” Natalie said. “For god’s sake. Be you.”

Evie wasn’t sure what that meant.

Natalie sighed. “I didn’t mean you’re untidy,” she said. “For fuck’s sake. I meant you’ve mostly already moved in. We’ve been doing this for months, so all we’re doing right now is making it official. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Evie sat there for a moment. “But all the same…” she began.

“All the same nothing,” Natalie said. “Everything will be fine. I promise.”

Evie looked around the room, and decided Natalie was right. Once she began thinking about it, there was more of hers here than just what she could see. More than just her clothes and books lying around. She knew the grain bread she preferred was out in the kitchen, and shows she’d planned to watch were recorded for the TV. She lived here, she thought, even if she hadn’t noticed it until now. So whatever seemed to have just changed, really nothing had at all. Really, everything was the same as it had been an hour ago. Natalie was right, she decided. All that was actually different was the label they happened to put on themselves.

Evie started to feel better. “Sorry,” she said, after a moment.

Natalie shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not. I’m very carefully not.”

“Thank you,” Evie said. She sat a little longer. “Okay,” she said. “I think I’m done worrying.”

“Good,” Natalie said, and kissed her, and Evie kissed her back.

“I live here now,” Evie said into Natalie’s mouth, still quite amazed by that.

Natalie stopped kissing. “And I’m terribly happy that you do.”

“I feel like I should start changing everything around,” Evie said. “Make demands about decorating or something.”

“You can if you like.”

“Maybe the curtains?” Evie said.

Natalie turned and looked at them, surprised. “What’s wrong with the curtains?”

“Nothing’s wrong with them. Just, I could change them if I wanted to.”

“Oh, yes. Of course you can. We’ll get new curtains if you like.”

“Nah,” Evie said. “They’re fine. We never use them, anyway.”

Natalie grinned. “Well, you can if you want to. In fact, do anything you like. Paint things and knock out walls and move everything around.”

“Knock out walls?” Evie said, a bit startled.

“If you like. Isn’t that what people do?”

“But won’t everyone else in the building care…?”

“We’ll be careful.”

Evie looked at her. “Stuff might fall down. The building might fall down.”

“I have no idea,” Natalie said. “But we can ask someone if you really want to try?”

“Um, no, actually,” Evie said. “I think I’m good.” She glanced around, still getting used to the idea that everything had changed. “Does this mean that’s my table now?” she said, looking into the kitchen.

“Of course. Half your table.”

Evie put her hand on the couch beside herself. “And this is my couch?”

Natalie nodded.

“Shit,” Evie said. “What if I spill wine on our couch and then you hate me forever? I mean, if it’s only your couch, then who cares. You can get it cleaned, but if it’s ours… that seems like a big deal.”

Natalie was grinning again. “I won’t hate you,” she said.

“I know you won’t. That isn’t the point.”

“Oh,” Natalie said, and sat there. “All right. What’s the point?”

“Honestly? I have no idea.”

Evie sat there, not sure what to do next. Natalie sat too, looking at Evie, apparently waiting until Evie had calmed down a little. She was giving Evie space, Evie supposed, and that was probably best. Evie still needed it, a little, while she gathered her thoughts. This was all still something of a shock.