Really Wild Things

Chapter 18

"Why would a tooth be shooting at us?"

"Why do you keep asking questions?" Ford yelled.

Joon screamed, "Well, excuse me for taking a bit of interest in the world around us! I just think that a giant tooth blasting the swut out of this planet is cause for investigation!"

Another volley caused the ground to tremble beneath them.

"Well, this is brilliant," Joon snapped. "We've been rescued from dying in the cave so we can die out here in the open. Thank you, Norman, you've been very helpful."

Norman's metal face managed to acquire a hurt expression. "I wouldn't go to all this trouble just for you to die out here."

He pointed up to the sky.

During his fifteen years of being marooned on Earth, Ford had found a few things that he liked about the planet. One of them had been John Wayne films. Yet in those films, Ford had always found it very odd when the cavalry arrived just in time to rescue the heroes. Real life didn't work that way. In his experience, rescuers either showed up in plenty of time for the heroes to polish off their lunches or the rescuers arrived to find bullet-riddled bodies still waving white flags. Ford had asked Arthur why they behaved that way, and Arthur had simply said it was an American thing and shrugged it off. Ford had tried not to think about it.

Until that moment.

When a small shuttle craft swept over them and landed a few meters in front of Norman. A hatch swung open. Ford could see inside. Tweed Mukkimuk sat behind the controls, waving frantically.

Ford half-expected him to be waving a flag.

He clambered up into the shuttle. It turned out to be a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation shuttle. Ford knew it to be a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation shuttle because his seat belt tried to talk to him.

"Thank you for using the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Personal Restraint Device," it chirped. "It is my pleasure to hold you comfortably but firmly in the event of an emergency impact and, if necessary, I am equipped with an etherion Phant-O-Porter to escort you safely into the afterlife."

Joon paused as she stared at the man in the grey suit. "Who's that?"

Tweed whipped around to hold out his hand. "The name's Mukkimuk. Tweed Mukkimuk. And might I say I've never seen such a beautiful lady in the employ of the Corporation before."

Joon took the hand cautiously. "Thanks. Someone mind telling me what's going on here?"

As soon as Norman stepped into the shuttle craft, Tweed pushed a button that slammed the door shut and sent the shuttle rising into the smoke-filled air.

"I sent Norman to get you out as quick as I heard you be here. I know they're after the Chronological Correction Fluid, and I can not allow the Corporation to get their hands on it. Everybody hold onto your hats."

Ford grabbed his satchel and hung on as the shuttle roared up into the skies. It whisked past the tooth-shaped starship, which turned and fired shots at the shuttle craft. The shuttle bobbed and weaved like a worm on skis, avoiding the fire, and blasted out of the atmosphere.

Tweed tapped keys as he studied the screen. "I think we're in the clear, lads."

Ford unbuckled his seat belt, despite its protests. "How in Zarquon's name did you get here? I thought you couldn't leave the Corporation?"

Tweed gave him a sheepish grin. "Afraid I used a bit o' deception. Truth is, I got a pass to the elevators years ago from Norman here."

Norman nodded. "A fellow in the security office owed me a favour."

"I could leave at any time, but I been workin' for the Corporation for so long that I don't think I could make it on the outside."

Tweed spun around in his chair and leaned close to Ford. "But you got to get out there, lads. I told you I knew all the Corporation's secrets. One o' them is this Chronological Correcting Fluid. They want it bad and they mean to use it. I don't know why or what for, but it won't be good, I can assure you o' that. You gotta get it first or it's all over for all of us."

"Tough." Ford opened his satchel and pulled out his copy of the Guide. "If you could drop me off at the nearest solar system, I'll be on my way. If I hurry, I can still make it to Eccentrica Gallumbits' birthday party on Cherron."

"Didn't you understand me? The Corporation means to wipe out history itself."

"Good job, too. Most of it's bunk." Ford dialed up an entry. "Here we go. I can sneak in as a caterer. I'll have to paint myself purple, though."

Joon took hold of Ford by the scruff of his neck. "Belt up, Ford. Tweed, I've devoted most of my life to tracking down the Chronological Correcting Fluid, and I'll be bludgeoned with a dead lark if I'm going to let the Corporation misuse it."

Tweed worked the controls to turn the shuttle around. "Well, the shuttle's yours for that. Just drop me and Norman off on Sirius IV, we'll fend for ourselves."

Ford sighed. "Why is it that I have so little interest in saving the Universe and spend so much time doing it?"