Finding Home (Complete)

15. Secrets Come Out.

It's been days since I heard from Max.

I have tried to chock it up to him dealing with what he told me he had to, but the seedlings of doubt over the night we shared keep creeping in.

I received an email from Anna yesterday stating that she had an opportunity for me to write a piece for the Kaleida center's newsletter. She stated that I am one of their greatest success stories and my testimony would help the hundreds who look into their services. It holds the probability to fold over to a blog on their website if the board approved it.

It's hard to feel like a success while I feel as though I have marred everything I've touched since returning home.

My relationship with Liam, Whitney and the others may be healed but the disaster with Nicholas and now the uncertainty of Max has clouted me with a dark storm cell.

In explaining my reasonings for breaking up with Nicholas to Liam, I skirted the real reasoning and told him it was too much, too fast for me. Liam surprisingly bought it without much initial convincing, which was unlike him, but it meant I didn't need to fight it. His seemingly knowing glances the past few days makes me feel as though he can see right through my excuses. The fact that Max has seemed to avoid his calls as well, weighs as heavy as if I was to wear 'I'm in love with your best friend' on my forehead. Despite the difficulty, nothing beat breaking the news to Marcus. I think he took it worse than me.

I stare at the blinking cursor of my laptop.

The noises from the crowded lunch lines at Tim Horton's is distracting to my thought process. At least that's what I kept telling myself since I arrived here two hours ago. The house was too quiet to try to write, and I somehow thought that coming here and drinking bottomless cups of coffee would help.

To the contrary, I've still only managed two paragraphs into my piece and have spent the majority of my time staring out the window, trying to make sense of my decisions.

I don't regret breaking up with Nicholas, it was unfair to lead him on when I knew where my heart laid- but letting things progress with Max before cutting Nick free, ate at me.

This isn't the Hannah I promised myself I was recreating in Boston. That picture perfect Hannah definitely didn't cheat on boyfriends, especially boyfriends who were as storybook perfect as Nicholas was. I did, however, promise myself that my happiness would become my top priority. I can't deny any longer that it's Max and Max alone that makes me happiest. The only thing that isn't adding the whipped cream and cherry to my new Hannah-sundae is this shady feeling that Max's secrets will be enough to break me all over.

"Hannah?" I get jarred back into reality by Whitney's pitched voice as she makes her way through the line. She doesn't ask before plopping opposite of me in my booth, a wide grin across her flushed face. "It's so bitter cold for October, seems as though I'm not the only one in need of coffee to warm up!"

She hugs her red paper cup to her chest, a soft giggle escaping her. She slinks off her pink, lightweight fleece coat and throws it besides her on the bench seat.

Halloween is in two days and that means in three days my favorite season starts. Well, it's a tie between thanksgiving and Christmas. Liam and Taylor have no idea that at 12:01 November 1st, Holiday Hannah will be in full swing.... I just hope nothing dampens my spirits.

I close my laptop, knowing I can't continue writing now as she will instantly pick up on my uneasiness

"Whatcha' working on?" She asks politely, her eyebrows raising in question.

"A piece for the Kaleida Center. It's harder than I thought, but Anna says it'll help a lot of people." I sigh, drinking the rest of my lukewarm coffee from the red ceramic mug.