Finding Home (Complete)

14. Afterglow.

The front door of Nicholas's house was mocking me. The longer I stood outside, the more guilted I felt about what I partook in the past twenty four hours. As soon as I realized how my skin felt under Max's touch, let alone how easy I let my wall crumble, I knew the conversation about to happen was going to happen.

————

I woke up before dawn to Max getting dressed in the still shadows of my bedroom. I remained still to steal a few moments to breathe before letting him realize I wasn't sleeping any longer.

A panic grew in my chest as he quietly shuffled into his jeans, stealing glances in my direction every time the floorboards creaked. It was then I realized that he was trying to leave purposely before I woke up, and an instinctual throat clearing cough came in a rasp, immediately drawing a frozen stare in my direction.

"What are you doing?" Sleep still hung in my voice, but I heard him sigh deeply as he adjusted his pockets after fastening the button on his waist.

"I didn't mean to wake you." He whispered, a mix of still tired husk and his own guilt.

"The way we fell asleep a few hours ago, I guess I was just expecting you to be here in the morning." I pull my blanket to my chin, suddenly aware of my nakedness underneath. A flash of everything we did earlier this evening replays in my head. A frustrated draw of breath exhales from his chest.

"I just figured I didn't want be a victim of your regret in the morning." I can't decipher if it's an honest answer or bullshit, which makes my emotions collide even more.

"Really, Max? Because to me, it looks like you're doing to me exactly what you've held over my head for the past three years. Leaving." I huff as I bite my lip, not daring tears to collect in my eyes. I'll be damned if I waste any more of them on Maxwell Cross if this is how it's going to be.

The bed dips from his weight as he sits near my feet, he's silent for a minute or two, I'm guessing coming up with the words to say.

"When you put it that way, I feel like an ass." He sighs, I can feel his intense eyes on me despite the darkness enveloping my entire room.

"That wouldn't be different than any other encounter I seem to have with you lately." I don't mean it as a joke but the soft laugh that comes from where he is sitting confuses me even more. "What's going on between us, Max?" I sigh.

"It's complicated, really fucked up complicated." His voice trails and Nicholas pops up in the back of my mind, causing my heart to drop. I can't keep him waiting in the wings when it's completely obvious I can't feel for him what I feel for Max. That's a lie that's not fair to him, but also not fair to myself.

"I get that much." Is all I can muster, trying to imagine how hard it's going to be to hurt a guy that hadbeen been nothing but good and pure. He would make any girl a princess, just not me, I can't be that for him. "We both know what I am facing, but it makes it hard to fully understand you leaving me at two a.m. when no one will tell me what makes this so damn complicated for you."

Another chortled laugh from him shakes the mattress. Anger piques inside me and I'm tempted to just throw my hands up when he interrupts me.

"What do you mean 'no one'?" He snaps, drenched in sarcasm.

This is quickly turning into the complete opposite of what I imagined waking up from last night would be. This time I'm the one who laughs.

"Please, Max. Like you don't know that literally everyone from Whitney to Liam has skirted every question I have about you. I mean, I only just found out you told no one about you being in love with me. It's just funny that everyone is partaking in this masked charade to cover whatever secrets you have, secrets big enough to hurt me more than you already have." I reach to turn on the light on my end table, tired of speaking to a ghost of the nighttime shadows. When the glow of the lamp reaches his face, I'm met with steel blue eyes boring into me.