His Best Kept Secret | FACK [COMPLETED]

Chapter 14: #FACK

"I never expected this ya know," he said turning his attention to me for a moment. "I never thought people would care about me this much, and now that they do it's overwhelming but in the best possible way. I-I-I'm so lucky babe,"

"You're also so talented, sweet and kind. You deserve all of this." I said back as he began scrolling again.

Finn made it down to a picture of him and me eating at a restaurant, the diner he first took me to after he told me about how his dad died. Someone behind us had taken a picture of us when he put his arm around me with my head leaning on his shoulder. I thought it was so adorable at first, I mean they named us FACK. That was our ship name. It was the first and only positive response we got from us.

But then he shut his phone off, placing it faced down on the covers. I looked up at him to see what was going on; he had a tear in his eye.

"They're fucking figuring us out Jack." He said in a wobbly whisper, "They're going to fucking hate me, and then they're going to hate you. I can handle the hate, I think, but I can't see them hate you. They'll get jealous."

"Babe, they're just shipping us. People do that--" he cut me off

"No, if it ever comes out that we're real, that you--that I love you. There will always be the chance that they'll hate you...and us" he paused a moment, looking away hiding his tears, "I'm sinking babe, and I need you. It's like my chest is a black hole and everything is collapsing into it. I feel like, like helpless. What if they hate us just people hate Selena Gomez for dating Justin Bieber. And I hate that they might not be able to understand how special you make me feel. I can't let them hurt you."

Then his thoughts became mine, I too grew scared and that sinking feeling in his chest extended to me. His anxiety became mine, and I no longer had the strength to tell him he was wrong and that things would be different because I too wasn't sure if that would be the case. His words planted seeds in me that I couldn't kill off with any weed killer.

Hell, we are GAY. Which doesn't even help, they'll think that I forced Finn to be gay or some shit, taking him away from them. I feared for the death threats and the pain that would cause him. They might look for any dirt on me. They might find out that I like Jaeden and expose that or something, even though I'm working my best to get past that issue.

Then it hit me, all we're doing is speculating on a photo that proves nothing. And those fans just shipped us. They just thought we were cute together. "Babe, those people are not hating on us though." I tried showing him a positive to this situation.

"But what about the people who despise it. Soon it'll be on T.V. and shit. What will your mom say? She'll fucking definitely abandon you...an-and I can't let that happen to you. You need her. And I can't be the reason why she leaves you."

"Are you saying we should break up?" I asked without knowing the black hole in my chest would grow larger as a scenario where Finn leaves me all alone because he's afraid to face his demons and I'm scared to face mine too. I know, I was fucking terrified of coming out to my mom. I already let her down by looking like my terrible father, but this? She's religious, and she expects me to love some girl because they have a specific part that allows for a boy to plant himself in her. Love isn't that though. Love is an emotion, a connection that two people build and feel together. I may not know what real love is, but I do know that I fell in love with Finn because of who he is, not because of what parts he has. I couldn't control my love for Finn like I couldn't control what my mom and some pissed off fans would think. I wish some people would realize that.

"I don't know Jack. I don't fucking know." He said hyperventilating. He got up, and left me all alone, walking out to the balcony, zipping up a hoodie that I packed for him. I didn't move, Jaeden's room was colder without him. My skin's goosebumps perked up where the sheets once covered my skin, but I lacked the will to fix it. I just laid there and watched Jaeden breath in and out. I tried mimicking him, to see if it would calm me, but it didn't.

Then my phone buzzed with a text from Wyatt: You okay? I kinda heard everything.

I stared at my phone and had no idea what to say, any words I once knew were gone at that moment as I watched Finn, through the open door, grasp the balcony railing and breath in the morning air. His hair was shuffled around from sleeping, and his pajama bottoms ruffled as the wind whistled past them and through the cracks of the door.

I texted Wyatt back: I'm not sure. Someone posted a picture of us, and I don't think we're ready to come out. He might end everything. I'm freaking the FUCK out.

Wyatt: Just give him some time to think, it's a lot to take in okay?

Me: I will now make sure to keep Jaeden from having one of these fucking meltdowns, okay? It might fuck everything up.

Wyatt peered around Jaeden's massive head with an enormous grin on his face, and I smiled back. After a couple of minutes, I regained some of my strength, and I felt that I had given Finn enough time to think. I decided to finish our conversation from earlier.

I opened the glass door, and he didn't turn to look or anything. He just kept looking down at the cars. I felt like turning around, anxiety was beginning to eat me up again, but I kept pushing on. I stood next to him and slid my hands onto the railing. I took in the air too. It was cold out there, so severe that I shivered.

"Here." He unzipped his hoodie and put it around me like a blanket. "It's cold out here isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," I said looking down as tiny cars with tiny people traveled to work or to the airport or to somewhere important. The city was just waking up and so were we, to the harshness of what the world could be. We had to be careful in this world because people often make the decision to hate people for who they love even though who you love is involuntary. "Thank you for the jacket," I smiled.

"Is it warm?" He asked sliding his hand onto mine.

"Yeah, and it smells like you," I said feeling a little better now that I knew he wasn't going to be cold and just leave me all alone in this situation.

"Like me?" He giggled, "What do I smell like?"

"Like shit," I said thoughtfully for a moment before he looked at me. We laughed together before our eyes met.

"You're lucky you're so adorable," he paused as the breeze picked up and we both noticed the sun had created a warm red in the sky casting a crimson tinge onto the clouds. He pointed up at the sky trying to get me to experience that with him, "I love you, ya know. I think you're more beautiful than that sunrise."

"I think you're more beautiful than spring," I said while trying to think better to say. I got frustrated because Finn said the right things a lot. I mean he fucked up a lot, but he was good at saying the most alluring things, and it felt like I was always trying to make up for it. I mean I just wanted to compliment him and make him feel super special, the same way he did for me. "I'm sorry that was complete shit. I just, I wish I could make you feel the same way you make me feel." Defeat laced my voice.

"It's okay Jack. I thought what you said was perfect." He looked at me with a big smile covering his face and love in his eyes.

"I hate to end this moment, but, are we breaking up?" I asked feeling him tighten his grip on my hand. He looked down at our hands, and that feeling of loneliness returned because in one moment our love could end and the boy of my dreams could be gone forever. Then his hand left mine, and he turned to me looking me right in the eyes that still were stained red from tears that still stung like jellyfish. And he looked at me without moving his body. I could only hear the cars below us vrooom and honk as the people inside them went about their lives. The muffled voices from neighbors around us seemed to answer me faster than he did. Maybe time slowed down for me, or maybe time slowed down for everyone because nothing happened. He just looked at me with ghostly eyes. My insides were twisting and swishing around painfully in anticipation of his answer. Anything, I wanted to hear anything but nothing.

But he just looked at me.