3005 ; changki ◑

ei|ghteen

"Hush. This isn't to do with you," taking advantage of his slightly weak state, he forced him out of his path. I stepped backwards. "cat got your tongue? So tell us, how long has this been a thing, huh? Are guys good kissers?"

"Shut up." I forced myself to say.

"Wow, pretty ballsy. But it's out the bag now, Kyun. Or should I say closet?" His friends laughed. "Namjoo had eyes on you ever since we got curious about you, and wow, aren't you a little box of surprises, Im Changkyun."

I didn't speak, and he took it as a sign to continue. "Firstly you were the last person Kwon Soonyoung had the displeasure to be with before he died and now this," he leaned forward, whispering. "did you tell him too? Is that why you crashed?"

Something inside of me snapped as the minor crowd around us whispered. Whatever it was, it reacted to his words like a small ball of caesium had been dropped in water.
Then it exploded, and I conjured all my strength into a push, sending him flying a few feet before I yanked him forward by the collars. "Don't you dare drag him into this."

"Oops. Did I hit a nerve?" Minjae cooed innocently.

"Don't fall into his mind game, come on." Jooheon said, leading me to the main exit.

It was like those cheesy films where time ceases to exist and there is nothing but silence so suffocating you can hear thousands of pins dropping in that one moment.
Minjae screamed something, a slur targeting men into those of the same gender. It resonated across the hall, into my ears and throughout my brain until the echo took over my senses and I forced me to react out of instinct, turning around and dropping my backpack.

I only stopped when two teachers held me by the arms, Minjae on the floor bleeding from his mouth and nose, the smirk (and consciousness) punched out of him. The surface of my body burned from his hits too, but it didn't compare to the sense of joy I felt at the sight I was being dragged away from.

***

The come-down of that momentary high was brutal, and I could feel the bruises forming. My cheek burned, either from a punch or something else.

The principal ordered me to follow him into his office, a tiny square of paperwork and school trophies, a desk somewhere in the middle of it all, both of my parents already sat there. My Dad looked stunned, my Mom So angry she seemed calm.
I sat between the two of them, ducking my head as the Mr Kang claimed that this was out of character for me, and I was facing a week of exclusion for starting a fight on school grounds. He then explained the story, only referring to me after that. Only then did I bother to look up.

"So tell me, Changkyun, what made you do that?" He clasped his hands together, eyes furrowed with confusion. "Because I can tell apart a silly fight from something with a motive."

"I-I can't say why, at least not yet." I spoke quietly.

"This isn't the time to play shy, Im Changkyun," my Mom's passive aggressive side shone brightly. I flinched at her words and tone. "tell him now."

"I can't." I uttered, swallowing a lump on my throat as the tears threatened to spill.

Upon no response, the Principal sighed. "Well, with no response I ought to fill in a suspension form-"

"What?! I wasn't the one starting it!" I suddenly spoke up. "Minjae's been picking on me since Soonyoung died and now that I retaliate for the first time I get suspended?!"

"So tell us what happened. Only then can we help the situation." Dad said firmly.

I looked down at my lap, my vision swimming as tears filled my eyes. It has to happen one day.
With one loud sob I looked up, drawing a shaky breath. "He outed me."

"Outed you?" Mom almost flew off her chair. "What do you-"

"Mom, I'm gay, alright? I don't know how long I have felt this way but I am. One of his friends posted a photo of me with Kihyun and he started coming at me in the middle of the corridor straight after," at this point I was crying so hard I was shaking in my chair, mostly out of fear of their reactions. Even Mr Kang was thrown off. "I'm sorry."

The following 15 minutes were filled with more silence as I spilled on the years of torment from Minjae, and how he used my sexuality to embarrass me, followed by advice from Mr Kang, who handled the news as if I had just announced something miscellaneous. Neither of my parents said anything, not when the Principal said I would get away with no further action, nor when we left the office.

As we walked, I lagged behind the two of them, Jooheon trying to comfort me.

"It's okay, you'll be fine soon, it's just initial shock."

"That isn't initial shock, that's my son is gay." I sighed deeply.

"I promise you. They'll get over themselves and support you. Now, how about we go and do something to lift up your mood? I'm still feeling pretty generous."

I turned around, stopping. "Why are you acting like everything is fine when my life is on the brink of falling apart?"

"Because dwelling on it like you plan on doing so won't help anything, Changkyun. This isn't something you can erase from yourself, this is who you are and it's a part of you. People will just have to learn to adapt although zero has changed, if they can't do that I'll show them to the exit."

I started laughing; not because he looked funny when he was mildly annoyed, but because I was almost in disbelief. "You're kidding me right?"

"Changkyun-"

"This was easy for you, Jooheon. Sure, your parents didn't agree at first, but the entirety of our school body was fine with it because you are literally the coolest, most popular person on campus that isn't a total dick to everybody. Of course coming out was easy for you-"

"If I was you I'd stop there." The mild anger seemed to be growing, but I just couldn't stop.

"But for me? I'm that weird guy you hang around with out of pity. Imagine what being branded as gay will do, how many more aspects of me Minjae will be able to pick on for everybody's delight," I hissed. "so stop acting like life is a flower path and come swim with the rest of us in the deep end."

Only when I stopped talking did I detect an unknown facial expression on him. It was a mixture of sadness and confusion. Hurt.
Only then did I snap into myself. "Oh my God, no, Jooheon, I-"

"Save it, Changkyun. Just save it. But one thing, don't you ever assume people are fine because they don't show it."

I barely had time to try to apologise, since he turned around and left before I could even reach out to stop him. So I was left stood alone in the same corridor where I previously thought of how everything was going well, having lost my parents and my best friend in the space of an hour.