Translation of Love

54

But throughout this whole conversation, his name does not come up once. And it's clear that the younger boy is purposely avoiding his name, even once stuttering over it accidentally before changing the topic. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. I don't like this elephant in the room that seems to be sitting on our table; so obvious that it hurts, but neither of us is brave enough to bring up.

It's easy to ignore it when he falls back into light-hearted topics.

He offers to walk me back home, and I agree. But after a while, our conversation seems to halt, as we have run out of things to say. The night sky darkens us, concealing our thoughts and uneasy expressions from one another. But eventually, it grows too difficult for me.

I think about what Sungjin said, about trying to figure it out. I need to figure it out. Even if it seems to rip me apart from the inside out.

"Junwoo," I say seriously.

From his delay in response, I can tell he knows what I'm thinking.

"Yes," he says knowingly.

"Tell me. Tell me about him." My words sound muted by my fear.

"Are you sure?"

I nod my head.

"He's doing... good." He hesitates, probably unsure of where to begin. Our steps move slowly as the topic grows cold. "He was hurt for a long time. He didn't leave the house much, and eventually quit modelling."

I wince in pain as a dagger seems to pierce my chest.

"But it wasn't all bad. He quit so that he could focus on music more. He wanted to get serious about it and ended up spending his days, and even nights, making music."

I stare down at my feet as they move, one after the other, rhythmically and routinely.

"It was hard work. All he seemed to do was live and breathe music, and it didn't get him many results for a long time. Music companies kept denying his songs, complaining that they were too dark."

I look back up at Junwoo, remembering the first time I ever walked next to him on that hot summer day. I remember looking at him as I am now, gawking at his skin, wondering where the hell he was taking me, holding my phone in my pocket firmly just in case I needed to call the police. And now I observe him a year later, feeling as if he could be my own brother. I watch as the Winter causes his breath to condense into tiny droplets in the air.

"But it finally paid off. Just last month actually, a company bought his song and a popular female singer sings it. It's on the radio quite a bit."

"Oh? What's it called?"

When he says the name of the song, I feel something poking at my brain.

"That sounds familiar."

"It's sung by Soyeon, she's known for singing ballads."

My footsteps freeze in their place when I put two-and-two together. That song, that song that made me cry for unexplainable reasons, was his song?

"Did he write the lyrics too?" I look up at Junwoo with wide glossy eyes.

He looks at me peculiarly before nodding.

The lyrics. The words that speak of a love as bright and warm as Summer, and tell the story of how the seasons changed and the life lying dormant from the harsh Winter's air. A song about a love that crumbled like a crisp dead leaf beneath a foot, but a love that can't be forgotten. A love that seems to haunt like a ghost, a faint reminder of what Summer used to be like. A sad song, a melancholic song, about a love lost.

A gasp of air collapses out of my lungs in a hurry. My eyes feel cold from the air as water envelopes them.

"Sohee," Junwoo grabs my arm softly, leaning down to get a look at my face.

"Where is he?" I ask through my sobs.

"What?"

"Taeyoung, where is he?" I look at the boy now, determination flooding my mind until the only thing I can see is his face.

"He should be leaving work now," he looks at his phone. "Yeah, he's probably leaving right now."

"Where."

"Are you sure?" He asks me softly. I nod my head with the most decisiveness I've felt in a long time.

"I'll send you the location." He begins typing on his phone and soon enough mine beeps. I click on the link and it moves me into a map app, showing me that the building he works at is about a 10-minute walk away.

I turn to leave, my eyes fixated on the map. Junwoo grabs my arm.

"Wait," he says. I look at him, catching the worry that covers his face. "Be careful. We tried to get him to talk to you for months, and we gave up. I don't know where his head is at." He quickly wipes the tears the fell from my eyes, which is likely feeble since I feel more tears coming. "Just—let me know if you need anything okay?"

I give him a reassuring look and he lets go.

"Thank you Junwoo for always being here," I softly say as I stare at him intently, conveying my gratefulness for him accepting me back into his life without question.

And now I walk through the darkness, following directions that may or may not lead me to what I'm looking for.

. . .

A/N:

The song is completely made up, it's not a real song but I do imagine it to sound kind of like the ballad above.

[edit] I know this ain't a fanfic anymore but the lyrics of Taehyung's "Singularity" are pretty much spot on with what I imagined.

xx sooaura