ᴘᴀᴘᴇʀᴄᴜᴛs [ Langst ]

✿Mistake✿

     ⚠Suicide Mention/Actions! Cutting! Anorexia⚠

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  Lance's P.O.V

      I woke up in a cold sweat yet again, dreaming of unspeakable things. I panted through my teeth and ripped the covers off of me.

    "3 A.M," I sighed looking at my alarm clock. I walked to the bathroom and beheld my shirtless figure in the mirror. I frowned at my ribs peeking through my skin. I hadn't eaten for days. And when I did eat it was one meal, that I soon threw up later.

     I brushed my teeth and took a quick shower. My bones barked in protest as I got changed, but stopped before putting my shirt on.

   I made my way into my dim lit bathroom and opened the bottom draw. The blade inside shone and I pulled it out.

Useless.
Fuck-Up.
Worthless.
Screw-Up.
Mistake.

   One cut for each name. I bit my lip to stop from letting out a yelp of pain.

     Red lines appeared along my toned arms. Scattered among recent cuts and old scarred ones. I watched silently as blood slid out of the cuts and down onto the bathroom floor.

     For what seemed like hours—I stared at them. Just wondering, why I haven't ended it yet. Oh that's right. Because I am a part of the paladins. And my love for a certain red paladin.

     Though they didn't act like they needed me. They pushed me around emotionally and continuously scolded me and called me a useless fuck-up.

     But I knew all of it was true. I am useless, why else would we have failed so many missions?

   "Paladins report to the cafe for breakfast." I suddenly heard on the speakers. How much time had passed?

    I looked at myself in the mirror, at the pink, puffed up eyes. I frowned at my ugly and useless self and bandaged my cuts.

I cleaned the blood that dripped onto the floor. And applied some foundation under my eyes to make the eye-bags less noticeable.

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      I was late to breakfast, but it's not like it matters. Considering I don't eat.

     I threw on my regular jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. I walked through the castle hallways. I made it to the dining hall and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Eyes on the floor Lance.

   I smiled and said some stupid excuse about beauty sleep as to why I was late. "You need to be on time from now on Lance. You've been late way too many times." Allura scolded me.

    "Apologies m'lady, but I need my beauty sleep. How do you expect me to look this good without it?" I put on a fake mask.

     "Just eat breakfast Lance." Shiro said. I nodded and sat down at my usual seat. I stared at my plate of space goo.

I looked up and spaced off while looking in the corner. "Lance? You okay?" Pidge asked. I turned to her and plastered a forced smile onto my face.

"Yup! Why?" I faked my happiness. "Well, you've been dozing off. And you haven't eaten." Pidge pointed out.

My smile dropped slightly, "I didn't get a nights full of sleep. And I'm not quite in the mood for space goop this morning." I swerved my way around the subject.

    "Okay." And then the subject was dismissed. I expected as much, no one would really notice if I disappeared. Would they?

The thought made my throat tighten.