Sad Thoughts.

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I had a very hard time getting to sleep that night. Samantha had accepted me, and when she came to pick me up she and her boyfriend Nick practically lept out of the car and carried me. I told them I was fine, but they didn't believe it for one second. I must have looked really miserable, because Samantha made Nick drive and she sat in the back with me. She insisted I lied down in the back, but lying on my back hurt like hell. So I ended up lying on my stomach, with my boobs squished against the seat. Once we arrived at her house (she lives out in the suburbs), she helped me into the tub and brought me clean clothes and pajamas. She tried to talk to talk to me, but I told her that I was very tired, and I just needed to think. Truth be told, I don't really want to be talked to. As I lay in the guest bed curled up on my side, hugging a pillow, I thought back to Jordan's face. Jordan, with his cute face. With his brown eyes and his thick eyebrows. With his thin nose and lips. With his brown fluffy hair. With the ever present stubble on his adorable face. I thought about his smile, his laugh, his "god dangits!", his way of yelling but not being loud. I thought of how he saved me that night on the beach. Then I thought about his words, his curses the way they bit into me. The way they broke me down like I hadn't been in a long time. I cried myself to sleep that night, thinking about the look on his face when he shoved me, a mixture of anger and hatred and sorriness all at once. I tried to imagine looking at his face again and not seeing the boy who hurt me and broke me. But I don't think I ever will.

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