The first time you did it felt so surreal... so preposterous. But it did. And as much as you want to wipe it out from your memory, there's nothing you could really do but just sit, pray no one finds out, and just allow fear to engulf your very being.
And then it happened again, and again. And again.
Technically it wasn't entirely your fault. But you were sober. You were aware. You were scared, yes. But you participated in the acts willingly.
'Please begone.' You pleaded mentally when the events came rushing back in your head. Every detail still so vivid as if it just occured few seconds ago. 'I want to forget.'
"Y/N, are you even listening?" The familiar voice of your best friend Araragi resounded in your senses, causing goosebumps to crawl all over your skin. Guilt and fear all balled up together was slowly taking over you.
"Ha-hai?" You turned to face her with the brightest smile you could muster.
"You're not listening!" She whined, her lips pouting in a very child-like manner.
"I'm sorry." You replied, eyes darting down the floor for a second. "I was just thinking about my research paper."
She nodded understandingly and proceeded to tell you again about her boyfriend. And you tried your best to keep your body from tensing at every recounting of her unfortunate 'stood up' dates.
"Lately," Her voice now quivered with sadness as she stirred her milk tea with a straw. "Kuroo has been acting weird and distant. I don't know. It's like he doesn't make time for me anymore. And he keeps saying he's busy."
'That's because he's with me,' said a voice in your head, your voice.
And the onslaught of guilt and fear continued.
'I'm sorry...' Are you really?
It was the almost a year ago when the first episode of the affair happened, it was during a New Year's eve party at the apartment Kuroo and his varsity friend Oikawa Tooru shared. Your best friend was completely hammered to unconsciousness so Kuroo, the boyfriend, had decided to let her sleep it off in his bedroom.
"Will she be alright?" You asked Kuroo worriedly as you awkwardly stood by the foot of the bed, watching her.
Kuroo gave a small chuckle and stood beside you to watch her too. "Yeah she'll be fine. Geez, stop worrying all the time."
"I'm just..." Your timid voice faded. "Okay, I'll be going down now."
But then suddenly Kuroo grabbed your arm and when you turned to face him, his lips came crashing down to yours.
"Kuroo!" You whisper-yelled, quickly pulling away and checking to see if your best friend, his girlfriend saw it.
Nope, still unconscious.
"What the hell?" You almost shouted out as you look up at the bedhead.
He just gave you a sly lop-sided grin.
"What the hell was that?" You demanded.
"You know," He started, not even bothering to lower his voice. "I've always liked you Y/N."
You were at lost for words.
"Ever since Araragi introduced you to me, I know I like you more than her."
'What is this?' You thought to yourself. 'What's happening?' You opened your mouth to speak up, or maybe retaliate but you didn't know what to say. You were angry, scared... and confused. 'Is this really happening, right now?'
And he took you right there and then that night, in front of your unconscious best friend, his unconscious girlfriend. You didn't even know how it happened, it just did. And you allowed it.
For ten months after that, you tried to avoid him at all cost. You always tried to make excuses to your friends when they all planned to hang out, in fear of seeing Kuroo since Araragi always drag him along.
However, two weeks ago, you were once again cornered by the sly bedhead. You were hospitalized due to anemia and was confined for 2 days. Guess who was the student nurse on duty? Kuroo Tetsurou. Surprisingly, he wasn't as aggressive as the first time. In fact, he was very gentle and just resorted to kisses every chance he got.
Then a week after you were discharged, you came home one day after class to find him waiting for you at your apartment door.
"Leave." You told him firmly, almost begging; but he just let himself in before you could even close the door to his face.
"I don't know, Araragi. Maybe you should just talk to him?" You suggested to your best friend, your hands reaching out to grab your bag, voice dismissive as you wish to leave and not hear anymore of her confiding as you were actually playing a part in her misery. Well, what kind of person sleeps with their friend's boyfriend, anyway?
She stared at you for a second and shook her head. "He won't say anything and just tell me I'm delusional."
You stood from your seat. "He's an ass."
She shrugged in return and stood up as well, taking her bags with her. "Well, I'm heading back to the campus now. I think the buses are already there and Nami-san might get mad if there's a delay to her plan."
You felt a twinge of excitement upon hearing her words and it honestly made you feel sick.
"Yeah, okay. See you next week." You said with a hug, she hugged you back. You watched her walk away and disappear into the direction of your campus' second gate.
Suddenly, your phone buzzed.
SMS
FROM: Kuroo
Hey, come to my apartment.
Your heart began to pound wildly and you quickly replied:No.
Another message came all too quickly.
FROM: Kuroo
Why not? Oikawa's gone for the weekend. So is Araragi. They won't be back until next week from their department's excursion.
You replied again: I said no.
And yet, a few hour later, you found yourself lying on his bed, his arms caging you. And you didn't know yourself anymore.
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