Lovespoken (Theo James)

Chapter 23

It's been a while since the break up. Theo and I haven't spoken since the last words on the balcony. After the fight I stormed out of the party, ignoring any and all who tried to congratulate me on my part on the way out. But the one person who stood out of them all was her.

She was there.

Which of course can only mean one thing. He was planning on telling me that night. I guess it still doesn't make up for the lies but at least he was going to confide the truth finally. Too bad I ruined it before he got a chance.

The worst part about ending a relationship with a movie star, is no matter how hard you try you can't forget about them. Especially when they are in a movie as big as Theo is. His face is all over posters and billboards. Even watching television is a chore because the commercial for Divergent pops up every break.

The movie is a success though. Millions of teenage girls have fallen head over heels in love with Theo. Now I'm just another of the majority, able to disappear into the mass crowd of girls who adore him.

As for me, well that's another story. My doctor calls it major depression. I call it loneliness. For the past five months my life has been nothing but going to work and staying at home. Filming for Insurgent doesn't start until next week so I work a desk job, answering phones and trying too hard to make my voice sound even temporally chipper. I have no friends, no boyfriend, no one to talk to. The distance has forced an intolerable gap between me and Colin, limiting our friendship to hour long phone calls, most of which resulting in me crying over how pathetic my life is.

How did I allow my life to go from extraordinary to pitiful in such a small amount of time?

Colin keeps promising he's going to come visit me, but as much as I want him here I am afraid to be around him. Especially because now I am available. Obviously he thinks he has a chance, which is why he bleeds his heart out to me over text and phone calls every chance he gets.

At least I have someone to live for.

This morning is especially uneventful. Saturdays are the worst because I don't have work to offer a distraction. Just me myself and I. Not to mention it's my birthday. Another reminder of a year I'll spend alone and suffering. Not only that, but it is the sixth year anniversary of my parents death.

I eat cereal at a small wooden table I acquired in a cute little furniture store. My petite kitchen is painted yellow to try to bring some cheer into my mood. The doctor recommended I don't sit in the dark or in any room with gloomy colors. Hence the yellow walled kitchen and the light blue bedroom. The main room of my apartment is white. I'm indecisive.

The rest of the day continues with mindless busy movements. I wash clothes, fold them. Dust the family and bedroom. Wipe down the kitchen counters and stove top. Scrub every inch of the floor till the smell of bleach makes me dizzy.

By the time I am done it is dark out, filling me with the familiar empty sense of nighttime. The bleach fumes are intoxicating. Not feeling quite suicidal today, I decide to get out of the apartment before I get lung poisoning.

I throw on a pair of tight light blue jeans and a tribal print cropped shirt exposing my newly pierced belly button. Oh yeah, three months ago I went on this piercing binge. I got my belly button, my second holes, cartilage and nose pierced. My nose ring isn't extreme though. Just a silver stud to match my silver sperrys.

Feeling unenthusiastic, I throw my hair into a pony tail. My hair has gotten longer, reaching just above my tailbone.

The air is warm for an early April night. I walk, not knowing where I'm going or where I'll end up. Maybe I'll find a club or a bar that looks friendly enough for a girl who wants to get shit faced alone on her birthday.

I bring my phone with me, shoving it in a cross body purse along with my wallet and apartment keys. I'm still expecting a call from Colin. He's the only person I can count on to wish me happy birthday and he hasn't yet.

The part of town where I live is high end and pretty. But if you continue four or five blocks south you will enter the trashy part. Too bad that's the only way to get to where the clubs and bars are. The buildings are tall, brick and bare with very few windows. The aroma is a mixture of cat pee and trash, along with the sulfuric scent of sewage. I hold my breath and concentrate on getting out of here alive. Luckily it is only eight o'clock so the creeps aren't out yet.

Once I get to the city I spot a line of bars calling my name.

I'm not much of a drinker. I've gotten waisted plenty of times but after college I stopped drinking to the extent where I get drunk. Most of my meaningless one night stands occurred when I couldn't stand upright or mutter a full sentence without losing my train of thought. I guess you could say guys took advantage of me, which is why I tend to not drink. Especially not in public.

I choose a bar that is lively. The lighting is almost purplish. Music plays in the background, but it is loud enough to drown out the constant hum of conversation of men trying to pick up women and women rejecting them.

Four stools are open in the corner of the bar. I choose the one furthest from all the other people, not in the mood for conversation tonight... or ever.

Because it's my birthday I decide to treat myself. I ask the bartender for a California martini. I drink it slowly, enjoying the bitter taste on my tongue. The drink does nothing to drown my sorrows so I order another one. While I'm on my fourth, a man with a round face and big nose sits next to me.

"Hello," he says to the bartender, waving the bald black man over.

"Hi what can I get you?"

"I'll have four red headed sluts," he says.

The bartender takes out four shot glasses before mixing a concoction of fiery read liquid.

The man pushes two of the four towards me before spinning in his chair and smiling.

"You look like you could use these." Before he has even finished talking I have downed them, returning back to my martini. "Damn girl. Having a rough night?"

"It's my birthday," I tell him, not interested in this man at all. Just as I say this three girls around my age come through the door searching for a place to sit among the crowded bar. The place is big and all the booths and tables are filled. "Speaking of which my friends are here so you should run along," I say.

The guy refuses to leave without giving me his number so I take it reluctantly. The three girls sit in the seats next to me, not bothering to even glance my way.

The alcohol leaves me feeling buzzed. The room spins slightly but my words and thoughts are still intact.

I order a round of straight Grey Goose shots, needing something stronger to attack my immune system.

As the bartender pours them, a name makes me tune into the squealing girls' conversation next to me.

"That's totz him!" A fake blonde shrills, looking back at a table behind us.

"No way he is looking over here!" A red head whisper shouts to the two others.

I follow their eyes to a booth full of attractive men. But one catches my eye. It just so happens he is the one the girls are talking about and he is staring directly at me.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

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QOTC
Have you ever gotten drunk before?
If so did you do anything stupid?