Overwatch: Jinxed

Chapter 37: Bad For Me

He knew. He knew from the beginning who I was.

She reached the shields and smiled to herself, placing her hand on it. It pulsed twice, becoming visible, before flickering for a few seconds. Isabell stepped through, and removed her hand. It stabilized and went back to normal.

Isabell took in a deep breath. Here. The untamed rainforest - where she'd lived for three years of her life. Hiding from the rest of the world.

The tang of rain and wet wood hung mustily in the air, accented with the sharp scent of salt water. It smelt like home, it looked like home - the big leafy plants, the ferns, the rich brown of the dirt and the stars glittering through whatever gaps they could find in the trees.

Isabell started walking.

She lifted a hand to her neck and traced a finger along the two thin white scar-lines around her throat. The marks of a collar that would never really leave her. She wondered if the others knew what it had done to her - permanently. Of course it was terrifying to have a friend turn on you and almost kill you, but it was worse...

It was worse being inside your own head, unable to think any of the thoughts you knew you should be. It was worse being mindless and not remembering any of the people in front of you - the people you loved, the people who trusted you. It was worse when you got free and every time you closed your eyes, you saw theirs, how scared they looked - how scared they were of you. 

It was worse knowing that you'd been close enough to stroke their hair, been close enough to fold your fingers into theirs, and you had broken their ribs. Smashed their leg. Taken everything away from them - their sister, their family, and their safety.

She barely noticed when she reached the sand and sat down in front of the salty water.

"How could you?" she whispered to herself. "How could you do that to them?"

For that, Isabell had no answers.

I thought you were stronger than this.

"I thought so too," she buried her head in her arms, tucking her knees up to her chest. "I thought I was stronger than this. So much stronger."

And all the time she'd been holding it in, all the time she'd been waiting, all the time she'd been putting on a brave face - all of it melted away.

She'd wanted to cry the second she was out of that collar. She'd wanted to break down because of how scared she was, how sorry she was, how badly she'd hurt them. But she didn't, because they needed to think that she was okay.

Now she could cry and there would be nobody to see her.

So she did.

The waves lapped at her feet, collecting the tears that dripped onto the sand as the tide came in to sweep them away. The stars seemed to turn away as she did, going the slightest bit dimmer, as if it were kinder to look away.

Until a shadow fell over her, and sat down next to her.

He didn't say anything. Didn't ask her what was wrong. Didn't breathe a word.

He just put his arm around her and stayed.

It was well past four when her wracking sobs finally stopped, and he spoke. "Do you want me to apologize for not coming to see you?"

"No," Isabell said, taking in a deep breath and exhaling. He didn't need to apologize. She knew why he'd stayed away. 

It would have been hard for him to see her so defenseless, to see her lying there after everything that had happened. It would have killed him to hear her voice and know that it was her - totally, one-hundred-per-cent her - and it would have made him cry. He wouldn't cry in front of the others - he wouldn't cry in front of her.