Nobody Can Save Me

I'm my own worst enemy -foreword-

A/N: So... This is my second fanfic ever. Don't kill me if there are some inconsistencies. And/or spelling mistakes. I try my best. English isn't my mother tongue. And the second thing- I won't yet reveal who the main character will be but I will say that it isn't Chester. So go ahead and guess who he is? ;) Read also my other story called Lost in the echo! Thank you and enjoy :)

Also normal disclaimer blah blah don't own the characters.

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He stared at the ceiling in a hotel room somewhere. "Fuck this shit." He was annoyed of everything. Frustrated and angry. If he could he would run to the streets to start a fight. Or drink a bottle of vodka. Or something. Just to numb the pain he felt inside. But no, he couldn't. Cause he was famous and they had shows to play. "Oh, fuck that shit too." He thought he was depressed and messed up but then they got famous and he knew he was. And he shouldn't do something like that anyway. It wasn't the way he acted. How he should act. Like there was a rule how he should behave.

He grunted and rose up to sit on the bed. They were at the middle of the tour in somewhere of Europe. Well, to be exact they had been on the road for almost a year. But it felt like it was half of his lifetime. Every hotel room looked the same. Every road looked the same. Every city looked the same. Every crowd looked the same. He did love the fans. He just didn't want to be that guy to have fans. And he was just sick of the feelings he had. There was always something. Somebody wanted something. He was never really alone. And he blamed himself for that too. He didn't deserve this all.

After few first shows of the tour he had requested his own hotel room on the days they didn't sleep on the bus. He didn't really want to be around the guys. They were his friends but they still didn't really know him. Like really know what he felt. In hotels he could at least sleep alone. Not in the bus. The bus was like a hell for him nowadays. Sure they had asked him why wouldn't he want to share a room, joking that maybe he had a secret boyfriend from the crew that he would meet at nights. And he joked back, cause that is what he does. They were all normal and happy, just like they had always been. Too normal and too happy for him. He couldn't bear that. It was bullshit. Not because they shouldn't be happy, but cause he wanted to be happy too. He just couldn't. There was like this hole inside of him that swallowed all positive feelings. Once in a while it was full and he could be moderately happy for a while. And then it was hungrier than ever. He felt like he was deceiving the others with his act. Cause that was what he had to do. Act like a normal and happy person like the rest were. But he was deceiving himself too, believing that it just was like that. That the others wouldn't care even if he would tell them.

Then there was a knock on a door. "Yo! We are going to get something to eat. Wanna join us?".

Of course he would. He had to. Otherwise they would go weird and ask all the questions he didn't want to answer. Didn't know how to answer. "Just a sec!", he yelled back getting up from the bed. Yes dinner. Before moving back to the bus from the hotel room. He had packed already. Or you could say he never unpacked. No point in that anyway.

He looked in the mirror before leaving. Eyes dark and sunken. He had probably lost 20 something pounds in few weeks but no one noticed. They never did. Pulling an oversized hoodie over his head he sighed and stepped outside the hotel room and put on a fake smile.

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