Vegas

1-800-273-8255

He had it all planned to the tee. His beautiful cello that he would miss playing everyday was stashed away in the cupboard. He called his family earlier and prayed with them on the phone, also mentioning how he loved them with his whole heart. He wrote his note on a piece of scrap paper. It wasn't very long or detailed, he didn't bother to write to everyone individually. It basically summed up why he was doing this in the first place, and why he couldn't carry on.

He left the crumpled note on his bedside table for whoever would find it first. Most likely it would be Avi since they were roommates, but who knew at this point? Avi was so caught up in his own world these days. He wouldn't have been surprised if it took a couple of days before people found his body. 

He practised his knots. He bought himself a Coke from the vending machine a floor down. He prayed some more, asking God to forgive him for all his sins. He read over his note one last time. He practised his knots one last time...

Until he finally perfected it.

With a heavy heart - but a somewhat clear mind - he walked into the bathroom with the thick rope in his hands. He googled a while ago that the thicker the rope, the less it would hurt. Just as he locked the door behind him, he heard another one open up.

"Kevin? Are you in here?" 

Oh, Lord, it was Esther. What was she doing here? And why now, when he was in the middle of something very important? 

"K.O, I know you're in here, Scott told me this was where you'd be..." her voice trailed off. She continued to walk around his room, looking for evidence that would maybe tell her where the beatboxer was. She glanced at the cupboard next to the TV and frowned. His phone was still sitting there, along with his room card, so he had to be in the room.

"Are you in the bathroom?" She called out. 

He didn't utter a word the entire time.

Just then, her eyes captured sight of the scrunched up ball of paper laying on Kevin's bedside table. Curious, she picked up the wad in her hand and read over the messy handwriting scribbled on the page. Her eyes widened with every sentence and her breathing became more shallow. 

No... not Kevin...

He would never hurt someone...

As sick as she already felt reading so far, Esther forced herself to carry on with the note. That's when she physically felt her heart drop from her chest to her stomach and the piece of paper fell out of her hands and floated onto the floor. She stared at the bathroom door for a few seconds like it held all the answers to the universe. 

"Kevin! Oh my goodness, Kevin!" She screeched and banged her fists on the wood. "Please, Kevin, tell me you're still in there."

No, no, no, he wasn't going to allow Esther to ruin his plan. There was no other solution to his problem, this was the only way forward. He hopped on the chair and clung onto the rope dangling above him until he thought his knuckles would break. 

Do I really want to do this?

"Kevin, I will call Scott to come break down this damn door if I have to! Just please tell me you're still alive," her voice cracked. "Please..."

Why did he have to care? Why couldn't he just switch off his emotions?

"Kevin! You have to be alive, you have to!" Her words were coming out in thick sobs until Kevin just physically couldn't handle it anymore. He jumped off his chair with a huff and landing with a soft thud on the white, tiled floor. 

When he unlocked the door, Esther didn't hold back and tackled him into a bear hug that felt like every bone in his body was being broken. "Kevin, oh my gosh, Kevin, you're okay!" He thought she would've loosened her grip by now but it just seemed to become tighter, like a snake wrapping itself around its prey. 

"Esther... I can't breathe..."

"Oh, oops," she mumbled and immediately let go of the cellist who seemed to be flushed. Then she stopped being soft and punched Kevin square in the chest, "You have some explaining to do, young man, you scared the shit out of me!"

So Kevin did explain. He was open and honest about everything and he didn't leave out a single detail. Esther cried her little heart out in front of him which was quite embarrassing if she had to say. He should've been crying, she should've been the one comforting him; yet, it was exactly the opposite.

"Kevin, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, especially on your own," Esther wept into his shoulder, using a sleeve as a tissue for her runny nose. Kevin had no idea how to feel about all of this. He should've been dead by now, not comforting an emotional Esther. 

He shrugged. "It's whatever. I can't go back in time and change everything, as much as I would like to."

There was deadly silence in the room, besides the sounds of Esther's sniffling and their synchronised breathing. "So what happens now?"

Kevin shrugged again, sighing this time as well. "I don't know, Es. All I know is that I cannot carry on living like this. Living in fear of the cops finding me, living a life where I beat myself up mentally and physically because I hate myself for that night. I don't know what to do at this stage, that's why I thought taking my life was the only way out of this whole, big mess." 

The tour manager bit lip and fiddled with her hands as she looked down. "You know that because I know about this now, I kind of have to turn you in..."

Kevin smiled sadly and looked up at the ceiling in hopes that the tears in his would go away, but inevitably they ran down his cheeks. "Do it," he whispered. "The world needs justice for criminals who get away with things. You'll be doing the world a favour."

"No, Kevin, don't say that. You're not a criminal!" 

"Even if it was an accident, I killed someone. I deserve to go to jail," he spoke so quietly that it was barely audible. "Will you take me down to the police station, Es?"

He was Kevin. One of the kindest, most caring men she had ever met in her entire life. His laugh was contagious and it filled up a dull room with light. His heart was made out of gold. Solid gold. 

He was Kevin.

But he was a criminal. 

poor kevo i kind of feel bad :( also i have a really cute really fluffy one shot coming out #soon yayayya