◎When My Heart Beats◎

◎Making Things So Complicated◎

Familiar with the saying: 'You cannot run away from your problems, They never go away'?  That can perfectly explain my situation. I have dodged both Amanda and Aiden all week. I can't bring myself to be near either one. I'm frustrated. I have been trying to contiplate my feelings. I want to make sense of this. Yet I can't find a logic.

It's hard because I can't talk to anyone about it. I hate ignoring them and avoiding them, but I have to.  I need to to keep sane. They are both distractions. Of course ignoring them came with it's own consequence. Amanda thinks I'm messing around with someone. Which in truth I kinda am; I think.

Aiden on the other hand has seem to have fell into a depression. I know he thinks I'm ashamed; which I am. See? this is why I'm frustrated.  I can't be gay. Nor can I be bisexual.  I never had an interest in men. I've lived a bit of a normal childhood for a boy. Minus some thing's. Yes I missed out on the rising testosterone levels that included looking at the forbidden parts of a woman.

But I know that can't be a contributing factor. At times like this I wish I had mother. I need her to tell me thing's will be just fine. But she's not here to do that. It breaks my heart. I'm guessing I was in thought for quite awhile because my professor slams my economics book on my desk. I jump and shake my head.

"Wha-What?", He shakes his head in disappoinent. "Jackson I think you better catch more zzz's tonight or find another professor's class to daydream in", He snarled. "S-Sorry", He huffs and turns away walking back down to the board. I wipe my face. Get together....get it together.

After class that saying smacked me right in the face. My problem ran riggt into me; Literally.  "Ouch! Maybe looking where you are going would be be-... Michael? ", I rub my head. When I look up there he is; Aiden Smith. "Yeah...Hey", He frowns. "Michael... you've been ignoring me", I was surprised at how blunt he is. "I-I have been busy",

He rolls his eyes. "All you have to say is you don't wish to talk to me anymore, by the way that would be rude and very cowardly of you", I sigh again.  "Aiden... It's not that", "Then what is it?!", He said clearly frustrated. I open my mouth to say something but my name is being called from down the hall. I curse myself once I realized who it was.

"Hey babe, I've missed you", Amand said kissing my cheek. Aiden rolls his eyes. Amanda waves at him. "Hey... Aiden! What are y'all chatting about? ", Aiden forces a smile. "About making decisions based on being true to yourself, no matter how scary those decisions are", Amanda nods. "Yeah Michael you got a good friend here, learn from him", Amanda said nudging me.

I give her a small smile. I'm the only one feelings the awkward tension.  I'm standing with two people who claim to be in love with me. Yet one of them doesn't even know it. "Hey Amanda? What would your advice be for a friend who is scared of sexuality change? ", Aiden asked smirking a bit. I shoot him a glare.

Amanda makes a face. "Uhh well first I'd tell them change is sometimes good. I would also tell them to never feel pressured into any life changing decisions. Listen to your heart", She's right. But dammit My heart isn't talking. Aiden smiles at satisfied by his answered question. Amanda facial expression changes a bit suddenly. "I have something to ask you two", She said seriously. Aiden and I stare at her in confusion. "You have fooled everyone but me",...

To Be Continued...